Religious leaders from all faiths have been asked to prove the existence of their various deities by the end of the month or refrain from wittering on and wearing silly hats, according to new Government measures announced this morning.
A spokesman for the Coalition confirmed “Obviously we were going to have to legislate it sooner or later. All these people rabitting on about an after life knowing that at any time they can just throw in the get out clause that these supreme beings can’t be put to the test. Well, times have changed and we want to see water turning into pear cider, farm animals floating in the air and people turned into pillars of salt.
Better still if we could receive direct contact from the deities themselves that would certainly help clear matters up. They’d just need to turn up at our office, prove they look like their pictures, promise they don’t want to start a war and perform a miracle or two. Unfortunately we’ve yet to receive any correspondence from God, Allah, Buddah or even Ganesh. In fact, the only one who has had the courtesy to get in touch with us regarding a meeting has been Neptune God of the Sea.”
Though Neptune has yet to show up in the flesh a Government source has told us that the initial telephone conversation was very promising. “He seems very nice actually. He’s made a few criticisms regarding over fishing and oil spills but seems quite laid back and certainly wasn’t arsed about people worshiping him all the time. He also seems quite happy for people to be gay and eat shellfish.”
Many church goers we spoke to seemed upbeat about the possibility of having a new deity to praise, especially if it came with a reasonably straight forward instruction manual. One believer asked us “Is smiting allowed? I love smiting but it’s completely banned at the church I go to. And putting it about a bit. “