Tony Blair has told opportunists to stop using history to judge him as he quite clearly meant history at some point in the future when he said that only history could judge him.
Addressing a packed press conference the former Prime Minister explained “Indeed only history can judge me. But I don’t mean recent history because that thinks that I’m a deluded power hungry war mongering fanatic. I mean history in another ten years. Or maybe another ten after that. Bascially we’ll just keep going until history gets its act together and someone says something nice about me.”
When I sound a horn. Then history can judge me. Not before.
“So I say to history and factual accounts of recent events “No history. You are wrong. “”
The former Premier continued “The fact that 2 million people protested on the streets of London before the Iraq war, many concerned that the toppling of a dictator with no long term strategy would create a power vacuum for Islamic extremists is not a reason to criticise my blatant disregard for the will of the people and my willingness to start a war based on a made up document.
“Actually only geography can judge me. Only applied sciences. Only an HND in business and administration can truly judge me.
“I may admittedly have said in the past that only God can judge me. I’ve spoke to God but he seems to have some incredibly naive views and quite frankly he can shut his stupid mouth.At some point I’m more than happy in theory for God to judge me but at this stage I’m not sure he understands the wider issues, so he’s unlikely to judge me correctly. In any event I see the relationship between myself and God as more of an equal partnership. After all, I’m a lot like Jesus apart from my immense wealth and my penchant for invading middle east countries”
Labour leader Ed Miliband said “Phwooar. Look at the norks on page three!” when asked for a comment.