UK spy boss Charles Farr has made an impassioned plea to Facebook users to try to make their Facebook profile and status updates more interesting after complaints from his own agents.
“We’ve read most of your profiles by now and I’ve got to say Christ what are you people thinking? It’s one thing to bore your own friends shitless but have a thought for us in the security services. Some of us have to spend all day every day sifting through your inane trivialities trying to work out if you’re up to something naughty. Even the terrorist suspects still manage to post lame status updates about being cooked a really bland dinner, watching shit on the telly and then going to have a bath. Come on British public, pull your fingers out.”
Indeed one furious MI6 agent told us “If I’d been working here in the 1950s I’d be smoking at my desk, drinking alcohol every lunchtime and when I did have to spy on some people it would be through two holes cut in a newspaper. Then I’d be off to fight a bloke with gold teeth and most likely be captured by an evil master villain who would strap me some sort of evil killing machine from which I’d escape taking a bird in a bikini who’d also been captured with me. But what am I doing? I’m reading a status that says “My boyfriends just made me a baked potato. I’m so lucky. Thanks hon.”
“I can feel a tactical sickie coming on”
Another agent told us “It really would be the most boring job in the world if we weren’t also able to watch you taking a shit in the mornings through the cameras on your smart phones. We all watch you on a big screen and how we laugh.”