Plucky UKIP dog stops immigrant from taking all our jobs

ukip dog

The people of Rochester and Strood have come together to show their appreciation for an unlikely four legged hero who single handedly prevented an immigrant from taking all our jobs. Oswald, a red setter, barked at a man who looked like he might well come from somewhere else and this most likely prevented him from […]

Piece of toast to contest labour leadership

toast

Labour Leader Ed Miliband has said that he will fight every step of the way to keep his leadership and stand for Prime Minister in the forthcoming 2015 elections, as news broke that he has been formally challenged to a leadership vote by a slice of toast. One Labour insider told us “It was just […]

Supermarkets unable to charge for vegetables under ancient foraging laws

foraging

Britain’s Supermarkets apart from Iceland have told shareholders to stay calm at the news that ancient foraging laws mean they are unable legally to charge for fruit, meat or vegetables on the proviso that they could have been picked, dug up or hunted in Britain. A spokesman for the National Association of foragers told us […]

Reckless in rage as Rochester white van filled with illegal immigrants

rochester strood

Newly appointed UKIP MP Mark Reckless has told of his rage that the now famous Rochester show home and white van rather than being a symbol for working class white Britain were in fact both filled to the brim with illegal immigrants. Foaming at the mouth Mr Reckless bemoaned “The flags and the white van […]

Mark Reckless defects back to Conservative Party

mark reckless racist

Conservative MP for Rochester Mark Reckless has announced this evening that he is to defect back to the Conservative Party, having set the record straight, ruffled the feathers of the establishment and rocked the boat. “I’m being blown from one metaphorical borderline racist tree to another like a leaf in the wind” he explained. “But […]

Couple fined for bad review of fat man’s arse

fat man's arse

A couple have been fined £100 by a Blackpool hotel for leaving a bad review after they were denied accommodation within the hotel itself and told they had instead been booked to stay in a fat man’s arse. Tony and Jan Jenkinson posted the negative comment on Trip advisor after being unimpressed with the one […]

Myleene Klass fury at proposed smug tax

myleene klass smug

Television celebrity Myleen Klass has publicly hit out against Labour leader Ed Miliband over his plans to tax people who are overtly smug about their wealth, success or media attention. As Miliband sought to defend the so-called smug tax as a principled way of raising extra funding for the NHS, Klass said the levy would […]

Cameron “Northerners to blame for next recession”

northerners

Every single person from the north of England is responsible for the next recession according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking to Parliament following his return from the G20 summit Mr Cameron said “The last recession was finally brought to an end by us, in a rather heroic fashion if I may say so, by […]

Band Aid 30 tops the hit parade

Margaret Thatcher and Bob Geldof, c 1980s.

A spokesman for radio one has confirmed on their weekly Sunday chart show that the charity all star collaboration record “feed the ducks” for which all the proceeds go to aiding ducks in Yorkshire with avian flu has today reached the top of the hit parade. As in the 1980s the single is organised by […]

Putin promises G20 environmentally friendly Ukraine invasion

putin envirnmental invasion

Viewed as an olive branch to ease tensions between himself and other world leaders, Russia’s President Vladimir Putin has today pledged to make his invasion of Ukraine greener and more ecologically sound. Mr Putin admonished the other leaders attending the G20 in Brisbane for avoiding such a serious issue. “The rest of you are putting […]

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