Putin “Plane was shot down by escaped monkey”

putin monkey

According to Russian president Vladimir Putin, Flight MH17 was shot down by an escaped monkey who was out of control and had randomly managed to slip past tight security and set off a surface to air missile, as confirmed by the results of a full and thorough Kremlin led enquiry released today. Speaking at a […]

Britain First refuse to recognise foreign weather

Britten first

BNP splinter group Britain First have gone on record today to announce they will not be recognising the recent spell of ‘foreign weather’ and will be carrying on as they otherwise would at 19°Centigrade. Speaking in a nice suit with a pink tie leader Paul Golding explained “We’re just opening the flood gates for foreign […]

Gove still hanging around schools

the govester

Former education secretary Michael Gove is still hanging around schools despite losing his job this morning according to several headmasters. Speaking outside a local secondary school Mr Gove told us “I’m doing a spot check but they won’t let me in. They say I have no authority now, but I can do just as good […]

Thatcher tried to cover up Leeds

leeds

Former Conservative Prime Minister and Union botherer Margaret Thatcher tried to cover up the city of Leeds according to explosive new allegations released in the Sunday Mirror today. Mrs Thatcher, who famously said “There’s no such thing as the North of England. Only the South, the Midlands and one or two odd little provinces inhabited […]

Government to have more birds promises Cameron

birds in government

The Government is set to have more women to brighten the place up a bit, according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking on the Marr show the premier explained “We’ve been under fire for not having enough women in cabinet. And that’s obviously because we discuss politics and important men’s business. But if we’re being […]

All celebrities made out of plasticine by Tony Hart

richard and judy plasticine

The BBC and other television companies are facing further investigation today as news has emerged that every single celebrity, that we as normal people, look up to and aspire to, is not real and has actually been made out of plasticine by artist and former Vision On presenter Tony Hart. A remorseless and unrepentant Tony […]

Millions march to thank the Government for its austerity measures

public sector stikes

Millions of public sector workers have today been for an organised walk with a spattering of recreational shouting in thanks to the Government for it’s austerity measures which have been widely seen as unequivocally improving the standard of living for one and all and making Britain great again. One teacher who was waving a ‘Hooray […]

Take That urge public sector workers to call off strike

Take that

After talks with Prime Minister David Cameron today, the members of 1980s boy band Take That have gone on record to urge public sector workers to call off tomorrow’s strike. Set to put an acceptable ageing boy band face to Government plans to curb all union activity, the middle aged crooners are seen as Cameron’s […]

Hong Kong Phooey to head Westminster abuse investigations

hong kong phooey

Home Secretary Theresa May has today silenced critics accusing the Government of yet another cover up with the news that a new investigation will be headed by none other than animated canine martial arts themed law enforcer Hong Kong Phooey. Speaking to an unusually full house of MPs Mrs May explained “These are largely problems […]

ISIS Chief’s first video panned by critics

isis video panned

ISIS Chief Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is said to be working on a new video after his first one released today has been almost universally panned by critics. Irish record producer and manager of bands such as Westlife and Boyzone, Louis Walsh, told us that the leader of the militant Islamist group would have work to […]

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