Mark Reckless defects back to Conservative Party

mark reckless racist

Conservative MP for Rochester Mark Reckless has announced this evening that he is to defect back to the Conservative Party, having set the record straight, ruffled the feathers of the establishment and rocked the boat. “I’m being blown from one metaphorical borderline racist tree to another like a leaf in the wind” he explained. “But […]

Couple fined for bad review of fat man’s arse

fat man's arse

A couple have been fined £100 by a Blackpool hotel for leaving a bad review after they were denied accommodation within the hotel itself and told they had instead been booked to stay in a fat man’s arse. Tony and Jan Jenkinson posted the negative comment on Trip advisor after being unimpressed with the one […]

Myleene Klass fury at proposed smug tax

myleene klass smug

Television celebrity Myleen Klass has publicly hit out against Labour leader Ed Miliband over his plans to tax people who are overtly smug about their wealth, success or media attention. As Miliband sought to defend the so-called smug tax as a principled way of raising extra funding for the NHS, Klass said the levy would […]

Cameron “Northerners to blame for next recession”

northerners

Every single person from the north of England is responsible for the next recession according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking to Parliament following his return from the G20 summit Mr Cameron said “The last recession was finally brought to an end by us, in a rather heroic fashion if I may say so, by […]

Band Aid 30 tops the hit parade

Margaret Thatcher and Bob Geldof, c 1980s.

A spokesman for radio one has confirmed on their weekly Sunday chart show that the charity all star collaboration record “feed the ducks” for which all the proceeds go to aiding ducks in Yorkshire with avian flu has today reached the top of the hit parade. As in the 1980s the single is organised by […]

Putin promises G20 environmentally friendly Ukraine invasion

putin envirnmental invasion

Viewed as an olive branch to ease tensions between himself and other world leaders, Russia’s President Vladimir Putin has today pledged to make his invasion of Ukraine greener and more ecologically sound. Mr Putin admonished the other leaders attending the G20 in Brisbane for avoiding such a serious issue. “The rest of you are putting […]

Jihadists to be quarantined on the Isle of Wight and forced to watch Strictly Come Dancing

david cameron jihad

British jihadists who travel abroad to fight will have their UK citizenship partially revoked, restricting their access to the Isle of Wight, where they will be forced to spend an indefinite period of time watching every episode of Strictly Come Dancing as part of tough new measures announced today by Prime Minister David Cameron. “It’s […]

Fifa report clears Ernst Stavro Blofield of all impropriety

blofield

Ernst Stavro Blofield, head of international organisation SPECTRE has been cleared of all impropriety in a report released yesterday by Fifa. Provoking a very mixed response, the report also cleared the entire organisation of any wrongdoing along with a huge man with metal teeth and another with a top hat, make up and an evil […]

Calls to ban Antiques Roadshow as Hugh Skully says c*nt

antiques roadshow

The BBC have refused to confirm or deny whether they will be axing the long running television show Antiques road show after footage has emerged of presenter Hugh Skully quite clearly calling one of the exhibits brought in by a member of the public a c*nt. Unbroadcast footage shows a lady speaking to Arthur Negus […]

EU restriction on migrant’s benefits leaves UKIP supporters with nothing to talk about

ukip benefits

A European Court of Justice ruling backing Germany’s attempts to restrict unemployed migrants’ rights to welfare has been criticised for leaving UKIP supporters with nothing to talk to each other about. Whilst some UKIPers it is thought have been easily able to make the transition and start talking about other things that might interest them, […]

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