Britain First vow to help keep racist night clubs afloat

Britain First clubbing

Members of Britain First have vowed to put their glad rags on, sport their dancing shoes and support any West end night clubs that might suffer a loss of business for racist door policies. Leader Paul Golding told us “We hadn’t realised these clubs were operating a racially prejudiced door policy and quite frankly we […]

Sun outrage as Corbyn refuses to vote on X Factor

corbyn xfactor

Popular newspaper The Sun has called for newly appointed Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn to be strung up by his curlies following revelations that he will not be voting on, discussing or even watching X Factor. Today’s edition of the paper said “One minute he’s refusing to doff his cap to the Queen. Now he’s refusing […]

Chuckle Brothers to cheer up goths

chuckle brothers cheer up goths

Goths throughout Britain who have barely cracked a smile since their invention in the 1980s may finally be able to cheer up a bit and stop sitting woefully in grave yards eating liver, according to a report highlighting plans to entertain them with the Chuckle Brothers. The leaked report details plans to replace forthcoming Sisters […]

SNP demand vote on 1976 Eurovision song contest


Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has described legislation that stops Scottish MPs voting retrospectively on the winning act in the 1976 Eurovision Song Contest as “Unacceptable”. Incensed that the winning song, ‘Save all your kisses for me’ by Brotherhood of Man, was seemingly pushed through without any consultation of Scottish MPs Ms Sturgeon said: “You […]

“3 more days before you can take a shit” Glastonbury punters assured

eavis shit

Glastonbury revellers who arrived on Wednesday and already have the ‘turtles head showing’ have been reassured by organisers that they only have 3 more days before they can drop the kids off at the pool in the comfort of their own home. Land owner, organiser and non-moustached beard type person,  Michael Eavis, hit back angrily […]

Gary Barlow to receive second knighthood


Take That songsmith Gary Barlow is said to be “jubilant, delighted and over the moon” following news that he is going to be knighted once again as part of the Queen’s birthday honours list. The inland revenue dodging songsmith who has reportedly played at a number of cabinet members’ birthday parties will now be known […]

Taylor Swift takes a shit or something

Taylor Swift takes a shit

Taylor Swift has once again hit the headlines following reports that she has taken a shit or something. Famous for a number of hits including that one that goes doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doooo, der-derr, de-der-derr.  Swift has recently bagged the front page for antic such as walking backwards, getting into a car and sitting down on a number […]

Revealed! Morrissey’s secret processed meat wonderland.

morrissey processed meat

Former Smiths front man Morrissey is said to be unavailable for comment following revelations that his LA mansion actually hides a private theme park dedicated to all forms of processed meat. Former Smiths bandmate Johnny Marr told us “Publicly he’s been a vegetarian for many years. Privately he loves a Big Mac or a chopped […]

Islamic State suspected as Kanye and Kim go missing

Kim and Kanye

Islamic State have refused to confirm or deny that they are responsible for the sudden disappearance of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian as concern grows for their whereabouts, neither having appeared on any form of media for a matter of hours. One eye witness told us “I saw two people bundled into a car by […]

Boney M banned from Russia

boney m

Members of the 1970s band Boney M have been told that they will face a travel ban on any future trips to Russia should they be planning such a thing according to information released this morning. The band are reportedly on a list of almost a hundred public figures all banned from Russia which includes […]


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