North Korea urged to cyber attack Hugh Grant films

Grant

North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-Un has been urged to use his new found power as make or break film critic to rid the world once and for all of Hugh Grant films. Whilst many have been disappointed that Sony films have withdrawn the film “The interview” after threats from Pyongyang the subsequent move from […]

McCartney apologises for Pipes of Peace

paul McCartney pipes of peace

Campaigners are said to be delighted today as after 31 years of failing to show any remorse  Paul McCartney has apologised for inflicting the song and video Pipes of Peace on an unsuspecting and largely trusting public. Whilst still largely unrepentant for the song’s original impact in the early 1980s the former Beatles front man […]

Locals delight as Bill Cosby to star in Worthing panto

cosby pantomime

A spokesman for the Connaught theatre in Worthing has confirmed that after being approached every year since 1979, iconic American comedian Bill Cosby has finally agreed to play the lead role of Aladdin in this years pantomime. One inside source at the theatre told us “He’s moderately funny yet also squeaky clean and that’s just […]

Fury as man on benefits spends £640k on Christmas decorations

christmas lights

Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith is reported to be incandescent with rage following reports that a man on benefits has adorned his house with Christmas lighting and decorations to an estimated value of £640,000 all at the expense of the public purse. Colin Darr of Whiteley Hampshire recently hit the headlines after managing […]

Mr T to join cast of Eastenders

mr t eastenders

The BBC has confirmed today that former A-team star Mr T will be the latest in a long line of celebrities to join the cast of hit soap opera Eastenders. An spokesman for the long running soap told us “Phil Mitchell’s used to being the hard man of the square. But the moment Mr T […]

Band Aid 30 tops the hit parade

Margaret Thatcher and Bob Geldof, c 1980s.

A spokesman for radio one has confirmed on their weekly Sunday chart show that the charity all star collaboration record “feed the ducks” for which all the proceeds go to aiding ducks in Yorkshire with avian flu has today reached the top of the hit parade. As in the 1980s the single is organised by […]

Mark E Smith to replace Jason Orange in Take That

mark e smith take that

The Fall front man Mark E Smith has confirmed today that he will be replacing Jason Orange in Take That with immediate effect. Front man Gary Barlow told us “We needed someone else called orange in a hurry. We couldn’t find one so the nearest we could get was Mark E Smith who’s 1988 album […]

Supermarkets to stop selling hairy cornflakes

dave lee travis convicted

Supermarkets throughout Britain are to stop selling hairy cornflakes with immediate effect after former radio one DJ and inspiration for the popular breakfast cereal Dave Lee Travis has today been found guilty of indecent assault. The verdict has seen boxes vanish from shelves at an unprecedented rate, perhaps only equalled by the sudden evacuation of […]

Northern Comedians sent to cheer up Islamic state

northern comedians

Britain is to send a crack team of 1970s northern comedians to Iraq and Syria in an attempt to cheer up members of extremist military organisation Islamic State as part of a series of  measures announced by the Government this morning. Speaking at a heaving press conference Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond said “They do seem […]

Duran Duran found still on boat singing Rio

Duran Duran Rio

Pop band Duran Duran have been found still sailing on a boat singing the song Rio, apparently unaware that it was no longer the 1980s. A spokesman for the production company that had made the original video told us that they would take full responsibility as no-one in the team had specifically told them to […]

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