Matt Le Blanc in last ditch attempt to flog a dead horse

Matt le blanc top gear dead horse

Matt Le Blanc has been called in to co-host Top Gear, in a last ditch attempt to flog a dead horse before finally sending it to the knackers yard. A spokesman for the BBC defending the move said “Unless we get casual racism from a big teethy bloke with curly hair, no-ones interested in cars […]

Justin’s House front for weed factory

justin's house weed factory

Children’s favourite television abode Justin’s House has been exposed as a front for a weed factory according to police sources. A spokesman for the Met told us “The whole place is covered in heavy duty lights, our spotter planes keep picking it up through infa-red detection, it’s a weed factory all day long.  I mean, […]

Portsmouth Uni to keep Jim Davidson statue

jim davidson statue

Protesters at Portsmouth University have told of their disappointment today at the management’s decision to keep its controversial 20 foot statue of Jim Davidson. A spokesman for the University said that they had listened to the protesters but concluded that they will have all pissed off somewhere else in 3 years time having finished their […]

Rapper B.o.B falls off edge of the world

rapper B.o.B flat earth

Commiserations and messages of sympathy have been coming in thick and fast from around the music industry today, following reports that Rapper B.o.B sadly fell off the edge of the earth in an attempt to prove to the scientific world that the earth was indeed flat, and that you could fall off it. “Obviously it’s […]

One direction “We hate our fans”

one direction hate their fans

One Direction hate their fans and prefer the company of people who can’t stand their music according to shock admissions from sources within the band. “They’re annoying and they’ve got stupid little mouths.” Front man Harry Styles explained. “We don’t want to keep hearing how good our music is because it isn’t. I wrote the […]

Kanye Oscar nomination for performance as a twat

kanye west twat

Kanye West has been nominated for the prestigious Oscars for his compelling performance as a twat it was revealed today. Though the winners of the coveted awards will not be announced until the ceremony later in February, Mr West is already thought to be the bookies favourite after a continuous execution of the role throughout […]

Murdoch and Hall to have honeymoon in Milton Keynes

murdock Hall Milton Keynes

Media mogul Rupert Murdoch and actress-model Jerry Hall are to have an extended honeymoon in Milton Keynes following their recently announced wedding, planned for later on in the year. One News Corp insider said “They’ve been to every posh restaurant and stayed in every 6 star hotel on the planet. They shit opulence. I think […]

David Cameron suddenly a Bowie fan

cameron bowie

Pasty eating pint swilling Prime Minister, man of the people and common or garden bloke next door David Cameron, is now a huge Bowie fan, and will be lamenting the demise of the ground-breaking musician by listening to all his music for the first time. “It’s like part of my heart has been torn away” […]

Sweep to enter Celebrity Big Brother

sweep

Big Brother producers Endemol have confirmed that former childrens’ entertainer Sweep will be adding his name to the Glitterati who have already entered the Big Brother house. A spokesman for Endemol told us that the famous squeaky dog would be likely to enter the house tonight or tomorrow night or the night after that at […]

Simon Cowell to find the next Lemmy

simon cowell lemmy

Pop hit factory guru Simon Cowell has announced that he will be launching a new Saturday night prime time singing competition to find the next Lemmy, following the death of the former Hawkwind bassist and Motorhead front man. The new show is thought to be judged by Cowell himself, Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and some […]

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