Barry Chuckle to compete against brother Paul for Labour leadership

chuckle brothers

Barry Chuckle has this morning denied rumours of any sibling animosity  following the news that he will be running against his  brother Paul in the forthcoming labour leadership battle. One Labour insider told us “Paul Chuckle is furious. Over and above entertaining generations of children with the same joke he has never hidden his naked […]

Russell brand tells people not to vote again

brand miliband

Russell Brand has changed his mind and appealed to the public not to vote. Speaking eloquently through the medium of the English language Mr Brand said “I revert forthwith to my original stance. Forsooth I mistook the emotions I experienced after meeting Ed Miliband for a desire to vote for him and persuade my less […]

David Cameron seen leaving Jim Davidson’s house

david cameron jim davidson

David Cameron has reportedly been seen leaving Jim Davidson’s house sparking rumours that he may be wooing the support of the popular comedian. The support of the veteran comedian whose popularity means that he regularly fills provincial town halls and civic centres, holds such power amongst middle England that a thumbs up from him could […]

Blue Peter viewers vote to name new royal baby “Motorbike”

blue peter

Blue Peter viewers have voted to name the  imminent new Royal baby ‘Motorbike’, as the results have come in from one of the most successful nationwide competitions ever run by the show. The show was previously facing tough scrutiny from regulators after a similar competition to name one of the show’s cats ended up in […]

Hopkins to be pneumatically inflated and used as boat

Hopkins

Katie Hopkins is to be pneumatically inflated and used as a boat in order to transport people on essential sea voyages according to sources close to the right wing shock monger. One source told us  “She just wants to do the right thing. She may come across via the media as a rather unpleasant person, […]

Greg Wallace run over by a cliché

greg wallace

Greg Wallace is reported to be critical but stable, having been run over by a cliché during today’s filming of Masterchef A source from the never-ending, swanky-nosh competition told us “It’s a dangerous job. He spouts this shit day in, day out knowing that at any point one of his nuggets of generic mediocrity could […]

Will i Am buys house in Cockfosters

Will i Am cockfosters

Former Black eyed peas front man and now chief chair spinner apart from Tom Jones on TV show ‘The voice’ has fuelled rumours that he is indeed setting down roots in Britain and buying a house in Cockfosters. Though contracts are yet to be exchanged Mr i Am is believed to have had an offer […]

Avid Merrion withdraws Jeremy Clarkson character

jeremy Clarkson avid merrion

Avid Merrion has confirmed that he will be withdrawing his character of Jeremy Clarkson with immediate effect and will now stick to entertaining the nation with his less offensive characters such as the small bear that keeps showing his penis. In a situation not dissimilar from the termination of the Dapper Laughs character last year, […]

Michael Eavis builds 40 foot high fence around eclipse

eavis wall

Michael Eavis has built a 40 foot high fence around tomorrow’s solar eclipse and hired a large security firm to ensure that only those who have paid him £400 a ticket or are on some sort of corporate guest list can sneak a peak. Speaking on Radio One’s Newsbeat Mr Eavis said “I’m very proud […]

Thompson Twins to headline Glastonbury

thompson twins

The Thompson Twins have been confirmed to headline Glastonbury festival according to organiser and land owner Michael Eavis. “It’s taken a lot of negotiation. We didn’t know where they were, we didn’t know what they look like now, and we weren’t even sure if they still lived together in the same house. Indeed, the band […]

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