People to start saying Jimmy Hill again

jimmy hill

A Government think tank has today predicted that people are going to start saying Jimmy Hill to each other again on occasions that they doubt the validity of what has just been described to them. The terminology which may be subject to regional variations such as saying itchy chin or Jimmy reckon is thought likely […]

Supermarkets urge public to stop whinging on about their filthy chickens

chicken

Supermarkets throughout Britain are urging the public to stop whinging on about their filthy chickens and get on with the serious business of panic buying all sorts of shit in time for the festive bank holiday later in December. A spokesman for the National Association of Supermarkets explained “We could spend money on non-filthy chickens […]

Couple fined for bad review of fat man’s arse

fat man's arse

A couple have been fined £100 by a Blackpool hotel for leaving a bad review after they were denied accommodation within the hotel itself and told they had instead been booked to stay in a fat man’s arse. Tony and Jan Jenkinson posted the negative comment on Trip advisor after being unimpressed with the one […]

Calls to ban Antiques Roadshow as Hugh Skully says c*nt

antiques roadshow

The BBC have refused to confirm or deny whether they will be axing the long running television show Antiques road show after footage has emerged of presenter Hugh Skully quite clearly calling one of the exhibits brought in by a member of the public a c*nt. Unbroadcast footage shows a lady speaking to Arthur Negus […]

Britain overrun with poisonous spiders

venomous spiders in britain

Britain not only now has highly poisonous spiders but is actually overrun with them to a level approaching plague proportions according to a new study released today. The unsubstantiated report from an unnamed source states “They don’t seem to be biting people just yet and hardly anyone has seen them but that doesn’t mean that […]

Government to decriminalise middle class drug use

Lines of cocaine at a weekend party

The Government has strongly hinted that recreational drug use may soon be legal on the strict proviso that the drugs used are middle class drugs or at a push working class drugs that are being used by the middle classes. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Prime Minister David Cameron said “We can’t just […]

Islamic State’s Christmas tips

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

Hi all, my name is  Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and you may know me as leader of rapidly growing jihad mongers Islamic State, What you may not realise is that when we’re not beheading people in the name of jihad we like nothing more that a good knees up. And what better time to let your […]

Doctors warn of outbreak of S club 7

s club fucking 7

The British Medical Association have warned of an imminent outbreak of S club 7 set to threaten the entire United Kingdom and any foreigners who accidentally tune into British TV. Symptoms include nausea, anxiety and severe mood swings, often causing violent attacks on laptops, radios and any other infected electrical items. In rare cases sufferers […]

Clocks not to go back in Hampshire

clocks go back

Hampshire County Council have confirmed that the county will not be joining the rest of Britain in moving the clocks back this evening. A spokesman for HCC told us that the practice was in many ways outdated and it was hoped that other County Councils would follow suit at some point over the next few […]

Hunt to tackle ebola with cuts and privatisation

jeremy hunt ebola

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has vowed to tackle the threat of an ebola epidemic in Britain through a series of stringent cuts, pay freezes and gradual privatisation of the Health Service. Speaking on the set of the Andrew Marr show and ignoring the fact that neither Marr nor any camera crew were present Mr Hunt […]

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