Hunt I’m backed by the silent 2%

jeremy fucking hunt

Jeremy Hunt has told today of his encouragement at the silent support of 2% of Junior Doctors who have said they won’t go on strike in protest against his reforms. Speaking to John Humphrys on the Today Programme Mr Hunt explained that Doctors were stupid and didn’t understand numbers. “However, for every 98 Doctors that […]

Racist bloke at work still going for it

racist bloke office

A racist bloke in an office is still going for it like a trooper, two full working days after the Paris shootings and showing no signs of giving it a rest, according to reports from workmates. Feeling sufficiently vindicated by recent events to continue wittering on indefinitely, Mr Daley Mayall, of ‘We sell any car’ […]

Britain to continue naming increasingly lame storms

slightly windy day

Britain is to continue naming increasingly lame storms until such time that someone has to think up a name every time there is just some weather. The news comes as Storm Barney approaches Britain’s East coast causing disruption to picnics and outdoor card games. The Met office have advised widespread school closures, once lessons have […]

Was this a UFO spotted over London?

photo not connected with article

The Government have refused to comment today on reports that a UFO was spotted on a number of occasions by independent witnesses in different parts of London over the week-end. One witness Mike Diaper who had been taking an evening stroll through Blackheath told us “It was like a yellow light that shot up into […]

Government warn shooting Trick or Treaters should only be a last resort

rent a ghost halloween

Prime Minister David Cameron  has voiced an impassioned plea to the general public to only shoot live ammunition at Trick or Treaters as a very last resort. Speaking on ITV’s daybreak, he told the nation that whilst nobody should have to endure home visits from people dressed up as creatures of the night, firearm usage […]

Government to impose Jamie Oliver tax

jamie oliver tax

A spokesman for the department of Health has confirmed today that the Government will be taxing any food, phrases or general behaviour that can be traced back to cheeky mockney dinner-monger Jamie Oliver. “We’ve been under pressure to think about public health and well being and admittedly we may have had our heads in the […]

Win a pack of Mayfair King Size!

mayfair king size

There’s no doubt these days that smoking makes you look very sophisticated. But style doesn’t always come cheap. And with the price of alcohol going up as well, a relaxing evening blowing smoke rings in a debonair fashion up at the bar of your favourite beer or wine emporium can be tough on your pocket. […]

Police pretend to stop watching Ecuadorian embassy

Julian Assange runner

Police are to pretend to stop watching the Ecuadorian embassy until such time as Julian Assange, fooled into thinking the coast is clear, pokes his little head out and tries to do a runner. Earlier on today officers from the Metropolitan Police are understood to have left their positions standing in front of the embassy […]

Catholic church warns God to stop making gays

pope gay

The Catholic church have asked God to ruddy well pull his socks up and stop making gays, as the synod on family issues opens this morning. A spokesman for the Vatican said that God was being irresponsible and according to the esteemed book of Leviticus would risk being severely punished by himself. “If he insists […]

Britain First vow to help keep racist night clubs afloat

Britain First clubbing

Members of Britain First have vowed to put their glad rags on, sport their dancing shoes and support any West end night clubs that might suffer a loss of business for racist door policies. Leader Paul Golding told us “We hadn’t realised these clubs were operating a racially prejudiced door policy and quite frankly we […]


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 460 other followers