Super-rich arse-hat furious at workers having enough to eat

justin king arse hat

Super rich arse-hat and former Sainsbury boss Justin King told today of his fury at a 50p an hour pay rise meaning many full time workers might be able to run amok paying bills and having enough to eat willy nilly. Mr King who trousered almost £2 million in his last year working for Sainsbury […]

Sturgeon “Scotland must decide its own bed time”

nicola sturgeon bedtime

Scotland should be able to decide what time it goes to bed at night free of diktats from Westminster, according to Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon. Speaking at the Edinburgh Television Festival, Ms Sturgeon said that Scotland’s strict bed time routine orchestrated by Westminster politicians meant that many Scots, having had by law to get […]

Iain Duncan Smith is a cunt

iain duncan smith is a cunt

Iain Duncan smith is a monumental cunt according to a new report released today by everyone else. Thought to be the case for some time amongst the chattering classes, the rumours have now been scientifically proved correct after a single drop of the work and Pensions Secretary’s blood was extracted and placed on litmus paper […]

Neil Kinnock banned from voting in labour leadership

neil kinnock

Former Labour leader Neil Kinnock has described reports of him being banned from voting in the forthcoming Labour leadership contest as “a storm in a teacup”. “I don’t even care.” He confirmed. Mr Kinnock is understood to have failed a series of increasingly stringent tests designed to weed out people who might be voting to […]

Chilcott to take well earned break from enquiry

chilcott

Sir John Chilcott is planning to take a year off from the enquiry he is heading into the Iraq war, according to sources close to the laid back investigator.  Having started it in 2009, Sir John has reportedly been considering widening his CV by perhaps going to work on a kibbutz or perhaps a ranch […]

Iain Duncan Smith off to pub with imaginary friends

Iain Duncan smith pub

Iain Duncan Smith is reportedly off to the pub with his imaginary friends this evening after a hard day’s fabricating stories from fictional benefits claimants. Dressed in his evening attire and ready for a night on the tiles, the Work and pensions Secretary told us “I may have bent the truth a little bit regarding […]

Andy Burnham “Never trust a man with a beard”

andy burnham beard

Labour must avoid electing a leader with facial hair at all costs, according to leadership hopeful Andy Burnham, who has warned of catastrophic consequences to party members who choose to put their trust in a man with a beard. “One of the founding principles of the Labour movement is that you should never trust a […]

“Don’t vote Corbyn” warn faceless corporations owned by private equity firms

liz kendall

Faceless corporations owned by private equity firms have come together as one to warn the public against voting for someone they might like, as opposed to a private sector endorsed, clinical corporate puppet worshipping at the shrine of year on year growth. A number of multinationals, speaking through the mediums of Tony Blair, Andy Burnham […]

Disabled people honoured to subsidise RBS sell off

diabled people

Disabled people throughout Britain have told of their immense pride and honour at being able to pay for the loss making Government sell-off of the Royal Bank of Scotland through cuts to their benefits. People with disabilities throughout the UK are thought to be descending on the houses of parliament en masse to thank the […]

Landlords must evict clowns from properties

clowns

Landlords will be directly responsible for recently much maligned clown houses according to new legislation announced today by Prime Minister David Cameron. The legislation stipulates that Landlords must assess all their tenants for clown type tendencies and Mr Cameron warned that repeat offenders would risk prosecution and even imprisonment. Whilst no-one wants to live next […]

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