Shock as David Cameron’s Big Society might be bollocks

big society

The political world has been turned on its head this morning following revelations that David Cameron’s “Big Society” might actually have been a load of old bollocks the whole time from its inception to the present day. Bertram Onions from the Royal Society for Things that are Total Bollocks (RSFTTATB) told us “It certainly fulfils […]

Shit no longer a rude word

david cameron shit

The word shit has been downgraded from swearing to merely slang according to new Government measures announced this morning. Speaking to a packed press conference Prime Minister David Cameron said “I can confirm that shit is now a perfectly normal word. Shitty shit. Shit shit shitterty shit. Shit.” The move is seen as yet another […]

Students must adapt and eat grass

students eating grass

Students must offset their dire financial situation by altering their own physiology in order to gain sustenance from eating grass, according to new Government advice issued today. Newly appointed Education Secretary Nicky Morgan has pledged to create a lean mean education system with self sufficient students munching away on grass and hedgerows in lieu of […]

Britain First refuse to recognise foreign weather

Britten first

BNP splinter group Britain First have gone on record today to announce they will not be recognising the recent spell of ‘foreign weather’ and will be carrying on as they otherwise would at 19°Centigrade. Speaking in a nice suit with a pink tie leader Paul Golding explained “We’re just opening the flood gates for foreign […]

Gove still hanging around schools

the govester

Former education secretary Michael Gove is still hanging around schools despite losing his job this morning according to several headmasters. Speaking outside a local secondary school Mr Gove told us “I’m doing a spot check but they won’t let me in. They say I have no authority now, but I can do just as good […]

Thatcher tried to cover up Leeds

leeds

Former Conservative Prime Minister and Union botherer Margaret Thatcher tried to cover up the city of Leeds according to explosive new allegations released in the Sunday Mirror today. Mrs Thatcher, who famously said “There’s no such thing as the North of England. Only the South, the Midlands and one or two odd little provinces inhabited […]

Millions march to thank the Government for its austerity measures

public sector stikes

Millions of public sector workers have today been for an organised walk with a spattering of recreational shouting in thanks to the Government for it’s austerity measures which have been widely seen as unequivocally improving the standard of living for one and all and making Britain great again. One teacher who was waving a ‘Hooray […]

Take That urge public sector workers to call off strike

Take that

After talks with Prime Minister David Cameron today, the members of 1980s boy band Take That have gone on record to urge public sector workers to call off tomorrow’s strike. Set to put an acceptable ageing boy band face to Government plans to curb all union activity, the middle aged crooners are seen as Cameron’s […]

Hong Kong Phooey to head Westminster abuse investigations

hong kong phooey

Home Secretary Theresa May has today silenced critics accusing the Government of yet another cover up with the news that a new investigation will be headed by none other than animated canine martial arts themed law enforcer Hong Kong Phooey. Speaking to an unusually full house of MPs Mrs May explained “These are largely problems […]

MPs to theatrically pretend to look for abuse dossier

david cameron abuse dossier

MPs are set to spend “a good day or two” overtly and theatrically pretending to look for the so far elusive abuse dossier that was on a desk and then it wasn’t, according to tough new mouth play from privileged product of the establishment and Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking with a very serious look […]

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