Government to launch inquiry inquiry

inquiry inquiry

The Government have announced plans to launch an inquiry into all Government inquiries in an effort to ascertain why all recent inquiries, especially ones regarding possible criminality of politicians, never seem to end or if they do never come to any logical conclusion. A spokesman for the new inquiry said “All inquiries such as Parliamentary […]

Marijuana to be legalised in Wales

marijuana in wales

The recreational use of Marijuana is to be legalised in Wales as of this summer, according to a spokesman for the Welsh assembly following recent revelations that it does in fact have the authority to pass such legislation. “The USA have done it in some states and not others, and to our knowledge the world […]

Chilcott “I did the Iraq report but the dog got it”

blair

Sir John Chilcott has confirmed that he recently completed his long awaited report into the 2003 Iraq war but sadly it was mauled and partially eaten by a 3 year old cocker spaniel. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference Sir John explained that he had finished the report and had even written ‘The End’ […]

Peter Mandelson still sliding under doors

Peter mandelson

Peter Mandelson is still sliding under doors and appearing at meetings throughout the houses of parliament whether he has been invited to them or not according to parliamentary insiders. One Lib Dem MP said “Is he actually labour? He seems to have been at all the coalition meetings, generally smiling in a slightly unnerving fashion. […]

Cameron “No sooty. No TV debates.”

sooty

David Cameron has confirmed today that he will not be attending any televised pre-election debates unless famous glove puppet Sooty is included. Mr Cameron has said all “national parties and Sooty” must be represented at the live debates – which were first introduced for the 2010 general election. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s politcal chat show […]

UKIP fury as creme eggs now made to strict halal recipe

creme eggs

UKIP leader Nigel Farage is said to be shocked, outraged and appalled following revelations that British chocolate maker Cadbury have chosen to make their popular creme eggs to a strict halal recipe. Speaking to a packed press conference Mr Farage said “Quite frankly I’m shocked, outraged and appalled. I used to love a creme egg […]

Cameron calls to replace tv debates with Only Fools and Horses

cameron tv debates

Prime Minister David Cameron has called for more episodes of ‘Only Fools and Horses’ to be shown in place of any live television debates ahead of this year’s general election. The Prime Minister warned that unless the slots earmarked for the debates were filled with a tried and tested 1980s sitcom starring David Jason, mob […]

Clegg “We must prostitute our morals to the highest bidder”

clegg prostitute

Lib Dem Leader Nick Clegg has told fellow Liberal Democrats that they must prostitute their morals like a tupenny whore in order to get into a coalition with the most popular party following the 2015 General Election. “We should do or say anything that means we give the appearance of staying in power whilst in […]

Captain Pugwash a direct insult to Neptune God of the Sea

pugwash

Fundamentalist extremists who worship Neptune God of the Sea have threatened violent, humourless and ill informed action unless the creators of Captain Pugwash, Finding Nemo and Howards Way cease and desist their respective creative endeavours. One warning received in writing said “He’s quite a laid back deity as long as people avoid dramas, cartoons and […]

Jeremy Hunt must have camera inserted in his arse say Doctors

jeremy hunt camera arse

Jeremy Hunt must have a camera inserted into his anal passage as a matter of urgency according to Doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals. A spokesman for St Mary’s hospital Paddington said “We can confirm that we will be sending out an ambulance to pick up Mr Hunt with a mind to bringing him to […]

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