Jeremy Corbyn and David Cameron’s mother “Just rumours”

corbyn and cameron's mother

Suggestions of any relationship between Jeremy Corbyn and David Cameron’s mother have been dismissed by all sides today as nothing but rumours and tittle tattle. One parliamentary source told us “They may both be making a stand against the Conservative Government’s vicious cuts, but anyone saying that they are even just good friends, let alone […]

Portsmouth locals fury at immigrants cooking with fresh ingredients

donna jones

Portsmouth City Council Leader, Donna Jones, has described reports of immigrants and refugees mitigating the effects of limited financial assistance by creating delicious meals made cheaply out of fresh ingredients, as abhorrent. “Hello. McDonalds. Hello.” She told a heaving press conference in Guildhall square this morning. “Poor people should eat Findus crispy pancakes, white bread […]

Jeremy Hunt “Parents to perform appendectomies”

Jeremy Hunt appendectomies

Parents should routinely perform appendectomies on their children, elderly relatives and indeed themselves rather than stretching valuable NHS resources according to the Secretary of State for Health Jeremy fucking Hunt. Speaking to the cast of Holby City Mr Hunt said “Doctors are all a bit 1990s and people simply don’t need someone fannying about with a […]

House of Lords to go on strike

house of fucking lords

Members of the House of Lords have warned in no uncertain terms that they will go on strike unless their payment of £300 a day for turning up at the Houses of Parliament is increased. Millionaire conservative donor Lord Farmer said “No-one wants to go on strike but how can anyone survive on £1500 a […]

Immigration policy to be decided by punch up in Dover

dover riots

MPs are anxiously awaiting the results of the punch up in Dover today in order to finalise British policy on immigration. One Dover local said “I had previously regarded the far right with some amusement and I was planning to ignore them and get on with my day. Now it’s all going to be decided […]

Portsmouth Uni to keep Jim Davidson statue

jim davidson statue

Protesters at Portsmouth University have told of their disappointment today at the management’s decision to keep its controversial 20 foot statue of Jim Davidson. A spokesman for the University said that they had listened to the protesters but concluded that they will have all pissed off somewhere else in 3 years time having finished their […]

Trump supporters deny being “A bit simple”

donald trump supporters

Donald Trump supporters throughout the USA have hit back at suggestions that they are a bit simple and probably wouldn’t even find their way to the polling station on election day, should Mr Trump be a candidate for the presidency. One Trump fan told us he was furious at suggestions that the only way they […]

“They’re just a bunch of migrants” says leader of a pack of cunts

cameron pack of cunts

The leader of a monumentally wealthy pack of cunts that have found themselves born into the ruling classes has this morning denounced all Calais refugees as a bunch of migrants. “They’ve been told by that Jeremy Corbyn that they can simply come over here and have free cake.” Mr Cameron explained whilst simultaneously reaching for […]

Britain First to hold next Christian patrol in Syria

britain first christian patrol

Britain First are set to fly out to Syria to preach Christian values and wave British flags about, following the success of their recent Christian patrol in Luton. Leader Paul Golding said that the trip would prove once and for all that his group was committed to defending British values of tolerance and equality, even […]

Osborne “Economy is being torn to shreds by weasels”

osborne weasels

The economy is being torn to shreds by weasels with sharp and pointy teeth and can only be revived by far more stringent austerity measures, according to stark warnings issued today by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne. Speaking on BBC Radio 4’s Today Programme Mr Osborne said “I know I said that I […]

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