No more new houses says bloke who’s already got a house

welbourne

A bloke who’s  already got a house has told reporters that he “won’t be taking it lying down” at news there are plans to build some more houses near where he lives. Speaking as part of a protest against the new village of Welbourne to be built near Fareham in Hampshire, he explained that it […]

UKIP Calypso song reaches number one in Jamaica

Mike read calypso

The UKIP Calypso song has reached number one in Jamaica, Trinidad and Barbados leaving critics of UKIP red faced following accusations of racism. The song is written and sung by former Saturday Superstore presenter Mike Read who told us “I’m white. But I’ve made myself sound like a black man. Not one of those new […]

“I’m not bothered if people are gay or not” God tells Catholics

god likes gays

In a further blow to Catholic church synod members who today voted against the Pope in his proposals for wider acceptance of gay people, God has gone on record in a rare statement to say that he’s not actually that bothered if people are gay or not. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference the […]

Green party kept off TV to save energy

murdoch green party

The Green Party are being denied a voice in forthcoming television debates preceding the general election in order to save energy according to the BBC, ITV, Sky and Channel 4. A spokesman for all four channels told us “If we put them on the television, loads of people will watch it which will use more […]

UKIP fury as immigrants flood in from Dolaria

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UKIP’s only MP, Douglas Carswell, has told of his fury that the first week of his term has been marred by a sudden and unexpected influx of immigrants from the country of Dolaria, which is situated between Bulgaria, Romania and Spain. A spokesman for the foreign office explained “Romanians and Bulgarians did not arrive in […]

Clacton rock system to core by electing same bloke

carswell mp

The people of Clacton-on-Sea have rocked the political system as we know it to its core by electing the same bloke as they already had until such time as there is another election in a few months when the same bloke will be standing again. Newly appointed Mp Douglas Carswell told us “The people have […]

Ed Miliband to step down as Labour leader

ed resigns

Ed Miliband is to step down as Labour leader with immediate effect, in what is seen by many as a last ditch attempt to see if Labour can win the next General election, without needing to form a coalition with the one surviving Lib Dem MP. A labour party source told us “If he’s managed […]

“I wouldn’t vote for me” admits Nick Clegg

vote nick clegg

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has said that he won’t be voting for himself in next years general election as it would be a wasted vote which at best could only result in a pointless outcome. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show and then again on Andrew Neil’s political talk show “Afternoon bollocks” the Lib […]

Entire town of High Wycombe arrested

police high wycombe

The entire town of High Wycombe was arrested earlier on today for reasons largely unknown but rumoured to be historic offences. Police sources have refused to confirm details of any charges but has confirmed that a large Buckinghamshire town 29 miles Northwest of London is helping them with their enquiries. And whilst official channels have […]

Cameron “We’ll protect the NHS until we’ve finished selling it”

cameron selling the NHS

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised Britain that if re-elected, a conservative government will protect the NHS until such time as they can sell off every last bit of it and make it like America. Speaking on the final day of the Conservative Party conference Mr Cameron said “I am furious that labour think that […]

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