Mark Reckless defects back to Conservative Party

mark reckless racist

Conservative MP for Rochester Mark Reckless has announced this evening that he is to defect back to the Conservative Party, having set the record straight, ruffled the feathers of the establishment and rocked the boat. “I’m being blown from one metaphorical borderline racist tree to another like a leaf in the wind” he explained. “But […]

Cameron “Northerners to blame for next recession”

northerners

Every single person from the north of England is responsible for the next recession according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking to Parliament following his return from the G20 summit Mr Cameron said “The last recession was finally brought to an end by us, in a rather heroic fashion if I may say so, by […]

EU restriction on migrant’s benefits leaves UKIP supporters with nothing to talk about

ukip benefits

A European Court of Justice ruling backing Germany’s attempts to restrict unemployed migrants’ rights to welfare has been criticised for leaving UKIP supporters with nothing to talk to each other about. Whilst some UKIPers it is thought have been easily able to make the transition and start talking about other things that might interest them, […]

Public thank Britain First for winning world war one

britain first ww1

The British public have come together as one to thank BNP splinter group Britain First who according to their social media posts appear to have won World War One. One adoring fan told us “They’re my heroes. You won’t find them travelling and learning about new cultures because they’re too busy protecting Britain.. But they […]

Grange Hill recruiting for Islamic State

grange hill islamic state

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan and Home Secretary Theresa May are said to be at loggerheads this morning at news that former television soap school Grange Hill stands accused of overtly recruiting for extremest Islamic groups such as Al-Qaeda and Islamic State. One former Grange Hill viewer told us “The school hasn’t been on the television […]

No more new houses says bloke who’s already got a house

welbourne

A bloke who’s  already got a house has told reporters that he “won’t be taking it lying down” at news there are plans to build some more houses near where he lives. Speaking as part of a protest against the new village of Welbourne to be built near Fareham in Hampshire, he explained that it […]

UKIP Calypso song reaches number one in Jamaica

Mike read calypso

The UKIP Calypso song has reached number one in Jamaica, Trinidad and Barbados leaving critics of UKIP red faced following accusations of racism. The song is written and sung by former Saturday Superstore presenter Mike Read who told us “I’m white. But I’ve made myself sound like a black man. Not one of those new […]

“I’m not bothered if people are gay or not” God tells Catholics

god likes gays

In a further blow to Catholic church synod members who today voted against the Pope in his proposals for wider acceptance of gay people, God has gone on record in a rare statement to say that he’s not actually that bothered if people are gay or not. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference the […]

Green party kept off TV to save energy

murdoch green party

The Green Party are being denied a voice in forthcoming television debates preceding the general election in order to save energy according to the BBC, ITV, Sky and Channel 4. A spokesman for all four channels told us “If we put them on the television, loads of people will watch it which will use more […]

UKIP fury as immigrants flood in from Dolaria

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UKIP’s only MP, Douglas Carswell, has told of his fury that the first week of his term has been marred by a sudden and unexpected influx of immigrants from the country of Dolaria, which is situated between Bulgaria, Romania and Spain. A spokesman for the foreign office explained “Romanians and Bulgarians did not arrive in […]

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