Cameron “We’ve already promised the business to our arms dealer friends”

cameron bombs

Prime Minister David Cameron has made an impassioned plea to all MPs to think of year on year growth in the arms sector before voting for any options other than the indiscriminate bombing of Syria. Any move not involving blanket bombing the few remaining bits of Syria that have not already  been bombed,  he argued, […]

Britain to bomb all venomous snakes

bombing snakes

Britain is to bomb all countries that have venomous snakes in order to stop them biting people once and for all according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking to a a packed press conference outside a COBRA meeting the premier said “We’re only going to be bombing countries that have these dangerous serpents. It’s the […]

“I’ve been a very bad chancellor” George Osborne tells dominatrix

Gorge Osborne31

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has told an undercover  reporter posing as a dominatrix that he has “been a very bad chancellor” and should be “given a proper going over with a leather thwacky thing” for his mismanagement of the economy and total reliance on cutting public services. In contradiction to his confident air […]

The Sun “Migrating moles must get back underground”

migrating moles

The Sun newspaper has devoted its front page this morning to the news that many moles are considering abandoning their life underground and looking to start a new life on the earth’s surface. In an abrupt editorial Editor Tony Gallagher said “If we let them up here we pave the way for ferrets, badgers and all […]

Hunt I’m backed by the silent 2%

jeremy fucking hunt

Jeremy Hunt has told today of his encouragement at the silent support of 2% of Junior Doctors who have said they won’t go on strike in protest against his reforms. Speaking to John Humphrys on the Today Programme Mr Hunt explained that Doctors were stupid and didn’t understand numbers. “However, for every 98 Doctors that […]

Racist bloke at work still going for it

racist bloke office

A racist bloke in an office is still going for it like a trooper, two full working days after the Paris shootings and showing no signs of giving it a rest, according to reports from workmates. Feeling sufficiently vindicated by recent events to continue wittering on indefinitely, Mr Daley Mayall, of ‘We sell any car’ […]

Cameron lodges complaint to himself about himself

cameron complaint

David Cameron has demanded an immediate inquiry, headed by himself, to look into how he was allowed to make complaints to himself about himself. “Something’s got to be done about it” Mr Cameron reportedly told himself in a strongly worded letter. “It’s gone too far. It started off with a harmless game of cutting off […]

Did Jeremy Corbyn fart during Festival of Remembrance?

corbyn remembrance farted

Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has found himself at the centre of controversy today following rumours that he may or may not have passed wind at some point on Remembrance Sunday. A suitably enraged Richard Littlejohn in the Daily Mail wrote “Was this the reason that Pixie Lott and Rod Stewart started laughing during the service? […]

Details of visitors to Conservative Party website to be stored for a year

theresa may internet history

Police and security services will be able to see the names of all visitors to the conservative party website for 12 months before their guilty little secret can finally be rubbed from the records, according to legislation passed today by Home Secretary Theresa May. One worried internet user told us “It’s an appalling invasion of […]

Australia in social turmoil as lack of British knighthoods gives them nothing to aspire to

australian knighthoods

Australians throughout Australia are thought to have spent the day largely sitting around in their underpants drinking tinnies, following revelations that none of them are now going to be knights or dames even if they pull their fingers out and don’t spend the day sitting around in their underpants drinking tinnies. One Australian, who had […]


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