The Queen “If Labour get in I’ll leave the country”

the queen

Her Majesty the Queen has said in no uncertain terms today that she will move abroad if Labour get into power following the forthcoming General Election in May. In a move that will only amplify the despair of the nation and Ed Miliband’s woes she has added her name to a list of potential ex-pats […]

Prince Charles’ letters reveal hatred of short people

prince charles letters

Many of Prince Charles’ letters to the Government reveal a deep routed hatred of short people it has emerged after a ruling passed today by the supreme court means that now anyone can actually read the letters as long as they do so respectfully and promise not to laugh. One letter to the then Prime […]

Prince Charles to rule Britain with a rod of iron

prince charles

Prince Charles will abandon the democratic system the moment he is king and will rule Britain with a rod of iron a bit like Henry VIII or Kim Jong-Un according to palace insiders. Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell said “He’s been meeting with other kings and Princes over in the middle east, and he’s also been […]

Prince Charles “Everyone should stick a crystal up their arse”

prince charles crystal arse

Prince Charles has confirmed that on becoming King he will pass a law that everyone must embrace alternative therapies, beginning with inserting a crystal up their arse. Hitting back at “scientists”, who have criticised his unnerving support for alternative therapies, the Prince, also known as the Duke of Woo, said that the conventional medical world […]

Prince Andrew demoted to a Lord

prince andrew lord

Prince Andrew has been secretly demoted to a Lord until the whole thing blows over according to a palace insider. Speaking from a concealed vantage point behind a corgi our source told us “It’ll hit him hard. The transformation from having everything handed to you on a plate to just having most things handed to […]

Prince Andrew never did anything with anyone ever for any money while nobody watched

Princely Andrew

Buckingham Palace have confirmed this evening that at no time did Prince Andrew do anything with anyone ever for any money while nobody or anybody watched. A spokesman for the Palace read out the following statement: “There’s been a lot of speculation that Prince Andrew might have done something or other with someone for money […]

Queen urges a beer and a fight

queens speech

The Queen has used her Christmas day broadcast to highlight the importance of an alcohol fuelled punch up in sorting out personal differences in today’s society. Drunken fisticuffs she explained were a British institution that despite being used for hundreds of years to settle all manner of disagreements, was sadly dying out with pubs declining […]

Commonwealth Games end as Queen sends lions in

queen commonwealth games

The commonwealth games has ended abruptly today with reports that the Queen has used her ancient yet rarely used power to release a pride of hungry lions into the stadium. The Commonwealth Games, previously called the ‘British Commonwealth Games’, before that the ‘Countries Britain has Invaded and Colonised Games’ and before that the ‘See if […]

Prince Charles steps down as royal

prince charles abdicates

Prince Charles has today abdicated from his position as King-in-Waiting following revelations that he sought to influence Government decisions Speaking from outside Buckingham Palace and now known simply as Chas Windsor, the former royal explained “It’s the only decent thing to do really, I’ve overplayed my card and been caught trying to act out a […]

Prince Philip appointed schools inspector

prince philip

David Cameron has announced tough new measures against non-Britishness in schools which will involve a new Ofsted task force headed by the Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference the Prime Minister explained “Segregating pupils and force feeding religious ideology is completely unacceptable in our schools. OK, the school I […]

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