Reckless in rage as Rochester white van filled with illegal immigrants

rochester strood

Newly appointed UKIP MP Mark Reckless has told of his rage that the now famous Rochester show home and white van rather than being a symbol for working class white Britain were in fact both filled to the brim with illegal immigrants. Foaming at the mouth Mr Reckless bemoaned “The flags and the white van […]

Myleene Klass fury at proposed smug tax

myleene klass smug

Television celebrity Myleen Klass has publicly hit out against Labour leader Ed Miliband over his plans to tax people who are overtly smug about their wealth, success or media attention. As Miliband sought to defend the so-called smug tax as a principled way of raising extra funding for the NHS, Klass said the levy would […]

Osborne negotiates half price Rotisserie chicken

osborne half price chicken

George Osborne has reportedly brokered a 50% discount off a ready cooked chicken in the latest of a string of discounts declared by the Chancellor for and on behalf of the British people. “It’s normally £3.50 for one of these bad boys but I proved my metal today and as my receipt will prove I […]

Alternative rockers to continue to dress exactly the same

alternative rockers

The National Association of Alternative Rockers have confirmed this evening that all members will be continuing to express their individuality from the norm by dressing up identically, sporting the same haircuts, going to the same places and listening to exactly the same playlist in a display of uniformity that would make Kim Jong Un jealous. […]

Ebola case reported in Dorset

ebola dorset

Residents of Dorset and the surrounding counties are being urged today not to panic after a case of the Ebola virus was reported this morning. Bert Onions of Poole who this morning discovered he had the disease immediately called the local branch of Robert Dyas where he was due to work and announced that he […]

UKIP to fill English Channel with crocodiles

crociles UKIP

The United Kingdom Independence Party will fill the English Channel with crocodiles in an effort to combat immigration should they be voted into Government or become part of a coalition. Speaking at a Press Conference UKIP’s MP for Clacton-on-Sea Douglas Carswell said “We’re basically surrounded by a huge moat but it’s still not stopping people […]

Osborne “Benefit claimants to blame for global share slump”

george osborne share crash

Benefit claimants in Britain are 100% to blame for the recent global share slump according to Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne who has today announced plans to introduce more austerity measures until such time as worldwide share prices stabilise. And then carry on introducing more. “Once again the global economy looks shaky, particularly in […]

Welfare Minister “I’m sorry you caught me being a vile shit”

Lord bastard Freud

Welfare Minister Lord Freud has apologised for being caught out being a vile shit as he gave his true opinions on people with disabilities. Lord Freud has promised that the views expressed that people with disabilities aren’t worth the minimum wage, were voiced under extenuating circumstances. “It was a conference fringe event where I was […]

Reiki Healers and Homeopaths to cover NHS strike

jeremy hunt

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has vowed that medical services throughout the UK will continue unfettered, despite tomorrow’s NHS strike, thanks to an army of Reiki Healers, homeopaths and crystal therapists who are to be brought in to cover. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Hunt assured the public that whilst the replacement service might […]

Fines for parents as schools ban British cutlery at lunchtimes

ban on cutlery

Parents of children in new designated ‘cutlery free schools’ are set to face hefty fines from Local Education Authorities after warnings that the new ban on eating lunch in school canteens using a knife and fork will be strictly enforced. Increasingly being seen as an imperialistic, jingoistic and islamophobic method of eating, knives and forks […]

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 393 other followers