Racist bloke at work still going for it

racist bloke office

A racist bloke in an office is still going for it like a trooper, two full working days after the Paris shootings and showing no signs of giving it a rest, according to reports from workmates. Feeling sufficiently vindicated by recent events to continue wittering on indefinitely, Mr Daley Mayall, of ‘We sell any car’ […]

Sun shocked as charging for boobs and knee-jerk opinions on the internet a failure

the sun

Rebekah Brookes, Editor in chief of popular newspaper The Sun, has said that she is ‘mystified’ at the failure of the paper’s online publication, which charged prospective readers £2 a week to look at womens’ breasts on the internet as well as misinformed knee-jerk opinions on current affairs. Ms Brookes who was responding to a […]

Family refused social housing for being “too English”

social housing

A family from Woking Surrey have told of their shock and disappointment after being refused social housing for being “too English”. Janet and John White say they were told in no uncertain terms that had they been born and grown up in a Mediterranean country then they would have had a far greater chance of […]

Corbyn to tax saying ‘yah’

corbyn ok yah

Jeremy Corbyn will pass legislation that requires people to pay ten pounds every time they say yah, should he get into power. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Corbyn said “We’re mainly concerned with people in the city. Everyone will need to register their details and £10 will be debited from their account every […]

Heath witnesses “None of it happened and everything is all right”


Members of the public concerned about any possible link between former Prime Minister Edward Heath and any alleged child abuse scandal have had their minds set to rest today as all witnesses concerned have now confirmed that none of it happened and everything is in fact all right. One former witness who had promised to […]

America to launch airstrikes on wild animals


America is to up its game in it’s war against wild animals in Africa and launch a series of air strikes according to a statement from the White House issued this morning. “We’ve had to rely on brave men and women who go out and shoot these animals, armed only with jeeps, high powered assault […]

Iain Duncan Smith to get his own show

Iain Duncan Smith tv show

Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith is to get his own show as part of tough new stipulations on the BBC announced today. The Government has denied that it will be directly commissioning programmes but has insisted that certain impartial Government ministers be employed to host a handful of popular shows as a caveat […]

Social housing to have lower ceilings

george osborne

All social housing is set to be refitted with lower ceilings as part of a new Government scheme to fit more people in a block of flats. The ambitious scheme was defended this morning on the Andrew Marr show by George Osborne who explained: “In days of yore people were shorter, mainly due to poor […]

Americans celebrate independence from not being allowed to shoot each other

americans shooting each other

Americans throughout America are today celebrating 240 years of independence from the UK and the subsequent freedoms associated with it, such as eating incredibly shit chocolate and running around shooting each other. One reveller told us “If the UK was still in charge they’d have taken away all our guns. In fact we probably wouldn’t […]

Britain to hold one minute silence for Russell Brand’s career

russellbrand minute silence

Britain is to hold a one minute silence en masse for the demise of Russell Brand’s career following the sad news that it may have drowned in a sea of its own bollocks. Reportedly enjoying itself splashing about in a sea of self indulgent pap, Mr Brand’s career is understood to have been pulled under […]


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