Ayatollah Khamenei “Pluto must be reinstated as a planet”

ayatollah

The Supreme Leader of Iran Ayatollah Khamenei has published an open letter to the “Youth in Europe and North America” demanding that they stop ignoring the dwarf planet Pluto and start treating it like any other planet. The letter claims the West is subject to a disinformation campaign from its politicians and criticizes Western media sources […]

Marijuana to be legalised in Wales

marijuana in wales

The recreational use of Marijuana is to be legalised in Wales as of this summer, according to a spokesman for the Welsh assembly following recent revelations that it does in fact have the authority to pass such legislation. “The USA have done it in some states and not others, and to our knowledge the world […]

Chilcott “I did the Iraq report but the dog got it”

blair

Sir John Chilcott has confirmed that he recently completed his long awaited report into the 2003 Iraq war but sadly it was mauled and partially eaten by a 3 year old cocker spaniel. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference Sir John explained that he had finished the report and had even written ‘The End’ […]

Meet the man who’s persuading jihadists to take up roller disco

roller disco

While politicians huff, puff and declare states of emergency, one man has taken it upon himself to directly address the entire culture of extremism and give it a more disco like feel. Surrey resident Daley Mayall who runs weekly Roller disco nights has told BBC’s the One Show that virtually nobody attending his classes has […]

Russia bans half naked men from riding horses

putin horse

Russia have banned topless men from riding horses in a way that shows off their man boobs as part of new legislation that is not actually homophobic but instead designed to maximise road safety. A spokesman for the Ministry of transport who have also banned the 1970s band the Village People from riding motorbikes explained […]

Captain Pugwash a direct insult to Neptune God of the Sea

pugwash

Fundamentalist extremists who worship Neptune God of the Sea have threatened violent, humourless and ill informed action unless the creators of Captain Pugwash, Finding Nemo and Howards Way cease and desist their respective creative endeavours. One warning received in writing said “He’s quite a laid back deity as long as people avoid dramas, cartoons and […]

Kanye West says something intelligent

kanye west intelligent

The worlds of music and celebrity have both been rocked to their core today after news broke that narcissistic performer Kanye West may have unwittingly said something intelligent. Jonathan Lager of Burgess Hill, Sussex was attempting to plant shallots in his garden when he received some unexpected advice from the self-absorbed crooner who just happened […]

Prince Andrew never did anything with anyone ever for any money while nobody watched

Princely Andrew

Buckingham Palace have confirmed this evening that at no time did Prince Andrew do anything with anyone ever for any money while nobody or anybody watched. A spokesman for the Palace read out the following statement: “There’s been a lot of speculation that Prince Andrew might have done something or other with someone for money […]

One Direction “may have joined Isis”

one direction islamic state

The band One Direction may have joined Islamic extremist group ISIS according to unofficial reports released today. The band have been under suspicion for some time for their frequent air travel. A Home Office spokesman told us “People don’t usually travel straight to Syria. They usually dart around different countries first, sometimes only staying a […]

Jihadists rewarded with 72 Richard Bransons

branson

Jihadists in the afterlife have been left red faced after an administrative error left them with 72 Richard Bransons to have as their personal sexual playthings. One recently passed Jihadist told us “I must admit, I thought I was going to receive the attentions of 72 young inexperienced ladies as opposed to 72 bearded sixty […]

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