America hails new drug to cure atheists

omniprezole

American scientists have hailed a breakthrough in medical science with a drug that finally cures atheism. The drug named Omniprezole is said to be so effective that it is to be made available immediately without any further clinical trials. Politician and pro-omniprezole campaigner Sarah Palin told us “It’s a nightmare trying to start wars and […]

Fox news blames humans for alien invasion

sean hannity

Fox News Anchorman Sean Hannity has today caused further controversy by blaming the human race for any future attack by aliens. “Any invasion is likely to be by aliens that already inhabit a number of different planets and have a far superior arsenal of weapons. And should we be attacked by an alien race wishing […]

EU ban sale of Laughing cow cheese to Russia

dairylea sanctions

The European Union has banned the sale of Laughing Cow cheese to Russia as part of a range of tough new sanctions aimed at making Russian President Vladimir Putin think twice about his megalomania. Known as La Vache Qui Rit  in France, La vaca que rie in Spain, and up until now at least Весёлая Бурёнка (Vessiolaia Bourionka) […]

Britain in shock as foreign countries use weapons we sold them

arms trade

The British Government is said to be “shocked, outraged, appalled” at revelations arising today that many of the countries we sell weapons of mass destruction may well end up using them. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Prime Minister David Cameron said “We’re shocked, outraged and appalled. We have a strict policy of not […]

Putin “Plane was shot down by escaped monkey”

putin monkey

According to Russian president Vladimir Putin, Flight MH17 was shot down by an escaped monkey who was out of control and had randomly managed to slip past tight security and set off a surface to air missile, as confirmed by the results of a full and thorough Kremlin led enquiry released today. Speaking at a […]

ISIS Chief’s first video panned by critics

isis video panned

ISIS Chief Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is said to be working on a new video after his first one released today has been almost universally panned by critics. Irish record producer and manager of bands such as Westlife and Boyzone, Louis Walsh, told us that the leader of the militant Islamist group would have work to […]

Juncker “Britain must drive on the right”

juncker

European Commission President in waiting, Jean Claude Junker, will insist on Britain following the rest of Europe in driving on the right hand side of the road the moment he gets into power, according to EU sources. It is likely that the ruling will not become compulsory straight away, instead being enforced gradually over a […]

Matt Damon to play Ice Cube in Straight Outta Compton film

matt damon

Matt Damon has confirmed today that he will be taking on the role of rapper Ice Cube in the forthcoming film about the meteoric rise and fall of the rap band NWA. Damon who admits that this may be his most challenging role so far told us “People have commented that I may not look […]

Prince Charles to become King of Spain

Prince Charles King of Spain

Prince Charles is to take over from King Juan Carlos of Spain who has abdicated today.  A shock to many, the ruling is apparently due to a  recent European directive that went largely unnoticed at the time, where the appointment of new monarchs within the EU will be decided on how long they’ve been endlessly […]

Justin Bieber joins UKIP

bieber

Canadian crooner Justin Bieber has confirmed that as of today he is now a fully paid up member of the United Kingdom Independence Party. The cock womble songsmith took time out from defecating onto fans from the top of a ladder when he broke the news, which it is thought will further increase Nigel Farage’s […]

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