Clouds on Mars could mean alien invasion

mars swirling clouds

Swirling clouds spotted on Mars could mean some sort of invasion of earth by some sort of alien race, scientists admitted today. A spokesman from Jodrell Bank Observatory told us “We thought Mars did not have an atmosphere, but now it has clouds it clearly does. Or maybe it doesn’t. And that might be even […]

Australia to enter Eurovision with “Beds are burning”

eurovision

Australian band Midnight Oil are already being tipped as likely winners of the Eurovision song contest 2015 with their song “Beds are burning” Though this will be the first time the country have entered the competition due to it being in completely the wrong continent, the show has a long tradition of being broadcast in […]

Putin “Peppa pig to blame for Ukraine crisis”

peppa pig

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin has today laid the blame of the Ukraine crisis very firmly at the doors of the cartoon character Peppa Pig. In his toughest rhetoric yet on the matter Mr Putin said “Nobody wants peace more than I do. But whilst a family of talking cartoon pigs live in a house on […]

America to ban imports of dog eggs

dog eggs

America is set to ban the import of the British delicacy of dog eggs amidst apparent concerns about the ingredients according to reports released today via International press agency Reuters. The move is set to anger ex pats and American anglophiles already reeling from the bans on Chocolate, fois gras, and Newcastle Brown Ale, and […]

Tens of people join Pro-austerity marches

pro-austerity marches

Literally tens of people have taken part in pro-austerity marches held throughout Europe today. The march which included a mixture of politicians, corporations heads and landed gentry is thought to have sent a clear and decisive message to anti-austerity campaigners to know their place and stop being so silly. One marcher told us that the […]

Ayatollah Khamenei “Pluto must be reinstated as a planet”

ayatollah

The Supreme Leader of Iran Ayatollah Khamenei has published an open letter to the “Youth in Europe and North America” demanding that they stop ignoring the dwarf planet Pluto and start treating it like any other planet. The letter claims the West is subject to a disinformation campaign from its politicians and criticizes Western media sources […]

Marijuana to be legalised in Wales

marijuana in wales

The recreational use of Marijuana is to be legalised in Wales as of this summer, according to a spokesman for the Welsh assembly following recent revelations that it does in fact have the authority to pass such legislation. “The USA have done it in some states and not others, and to our knowledge the world […]

Chilcott “I did the Iraq report but the dog got it”

blair

Sir John Chilcott has confirmed that he recently completed his long awaited report into the 2003 Iraq war but sadly it was mauled and partially eaten by a 3 year old cocker spaniel. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference Sir John explained that he had finished the report and had even written ‘The End’ […]

Meet the man who’s persuading jihadists to take up roller disco

roller disco

While politicians huff, puff and declare states of emergency, one man has taken it upon himself to directly address the entire culture of extremism and give it a more disco like feel. Surrey resident Daley Mayall who runs weekly Roller disco nights has told BBC’s the One Show that virtually nobody attending his classes has […]

Russia bans half naked men from riding horses

putin horse

Russia have banned topless men from riding horses in a way that shows off their man boobs as part of new legislation that is not actually homophobic but instead designed to maximise road safety. A spokesman for the Ministry of transport who have also banned the 1970s band the Village People from riding motorbikes explained […]

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