Trump supporters deny being “A bit simple”

donald trump supporters

Donald Trump supporters throughout the USA have hit back at suggestions that they are a bit simple and probably wouldn’t even find their way to the polling station on election day, should Mr Trump be a candidate for the presidency. One Trump fan told us he was furious at suggestions that the only way they […]

Rapper B.o.B falls off edge of the world

rapper B.o.B flat earth

Commiserations and messages of sympathy have been coming in thick and fast from around the music industry today, following reports that Rapper B.o.B sadly fell off the edge of the earth in an attempt to prove to the scientific world that the earth was indeed flat, and that you could fall off it. “Obviously it’s […]

Trump “If I’m elected I’ll leave the country”

donald trumpety trump

Prospective Republican candidate for the presidency Donald Trump has said that he would leave the country in the event that he became President of the USA. Also known as Donald Trumpety-Trump the famous tycoon who inherited his wealth told a press conference that his refusal to endorse gun controls, and his habit of blaming the […]

New planet to “Fuck off back to its own solar system”

planet 9 fuck off

Newly discovered Planet 9 can fuck off back to its own solar system and stop enjoying a free orbit around our sun according to right wing astronomers. “I’ve just taught my kids the solar system, dutifully missing out Pluto now that isn’t a planet any more. I thought I was doing the right thing. And […]

One direction “We hate our fans”

one direction hate their fans

One Direction hate their fans and prefer the company of people who can’t stand their music according to shock admissions from sources within the band. “They’re annoying and they’ve got stupid little mouths.” Front man Harry Styles explained. “We don’t want to keep hearing how good our music is because it isn’t. I wrote the […]

Kanye Oscar nomination for performance as a twat

kanye west twat

Kanye West has been nominated for the prestigious Oscars for his compelling performance as a twat it was revealed today. Though the winners of the coveted awards will not be announced until the ceremony later in February, Mr West is already thought to be the bookies favourite after a continuous execution of the role throughout […]

Western leaders deny calling Kim Jong-Un “Fatty tom-tom”

kim jong un h bomb

Western leaders have gone on record today to deny ever calling North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un “Fatty Tom-Tom”, “Psycho Billy Bunter” and certainly not “Supreme pudding of the people’s democratic republic of Korea” following reports that the heavily boned autocrat has access to a huge bomb which he plans to use to blow shit up […]

Isle of Wight to impose border controls

isle of wight border control

The Isle of Wight is set to be the latest nation to impose strict new border controls, as concern increases regarding immigration from the mainland. Council Leader Jonathan Bacon said  “It makes sense for us to have border controls here. Otherwise Hampshire and Dorset locals are going to come over here in a swarm. If […]

Beheadings promised for beheadings in retaliation for beheadings as punishment for beheadings

iran supreme leader beheadings

Someone somewhere in the middle east or over here has promised revenge or divine retribution after some people had their heads chopped off by way of revenge for some other people having their heads chopped off. One angry Cleric we spoke to said “Our God is a peaceful and merciful God. And we will chop […]

Breaking! Tony Blair hands himself in to Police

breaking news

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has reportedly handed himself in to Paddington Green police station where he is still thought to still be helping with enquiries according to eye witnesses. Apparently telling passers by that he “just can’t do this any more” Mr Blair is thought to have arrived at Paddington Green at approximately 8am […]

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