“Please make your Facebook more interesting” beg Security Services

MI6

UK spy boss Charles Farr has made an impassioned plea to Facebook users to try to make their Facebook profile and status updates more interesting after complaints from his own agents. “We’ve read most of your profiles by now and I’ve got to say Christ what are you people thinking? It’s one thing to bore […]

Sarah Palin taunts Piers Morgan with strangled panda

sarah palin

Sarah Palin has today made clear her intentions to continue the execution of non edible animals until such time that Piers Morgan backs down and concedes that guns aren’t dangerous. The one time vice presidential nominee, subsequent darling of the Tea Party and daughter of Monty Python actor Michael Palin, has responded to a request to […]

Page 3 to start showing men’s bollocks

bollocks

The Sun newspaper has confirmed today that under recently increasing pressure from protest groups to ban boobs on page three, it has decided to keep them but offset them with a picture of a mans bollocks to make it fair. “It’s not fair that men have to buy the sun when they want to see […]

Government accused of favouritism towards hard working people

cameron hard working

The Government have today been accused today of pandering to the wishes of hard working people. Speaking at a press conference this morning shouty number cruncher Eddie Balls warned that hard working people would not longer be able to expect an easy ride under a Labour administration. “First it was the bankers, then politicians, now […]

Candy Crush Saga revealed as front for Church of Scientology

Tommy Cruise

It starts out as fun, then you have to pay money, then you find out we are descendants of aliens. Only when you finally decide it’s all bollocks and decide to knock the whole thing on the head that you start to get vans with blacked out windows permanently parked outside your house. To make […]

Panda latest casualty as Google ‘street car’ body count rises

panda

Men, women, children and animals have been advised to only leave their homes if ‘absolutely essential’ as the number of road kill deaths from the ‘Google street car’ has reached ‘epidemic proportions’. The alleged cause of this sudden rise in mortality is that Google drivers are expected to drive, film, complete paperwork and access porn […]

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