Lets not pretend it’s ok to be a Daily Mail Reader

Hi, I’m Richard Littlejohn and as you may have read I’ve just been banned from Centreparcs for being a bigot. But am I? Am I really? Obviously yes but it’s not my fault. It’s yours. And that’s not ok.

Bananas recalled over spider risk

Customers who have bought bananas from any outlet in the past 4 days have been urged today to take them immediately back for a refund as fears grow that they may contain Brazilian Wandering spiders.

The Daily Mail appointed Work and Pensions Secretary

Prime Minister Theresa May has today defended her decision to award the position of Work and Pensions Secretary to the Daily Mail newspaper.

Britain “tricked into making passports colour of the EU flag”

Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage has lambasted the EU today for tricking Britain into changing its passport colour to blue like the EU flag.

Brexiters joy as Britain pays Europe £39 billion that could have gone on NHS

Brexiters throughout Britain are celebrating today that Britain could now save £350 million a week to be spent on the NHS by instead paying £39 billion pounds to Europe that could have gone on the NHS.

Paul Golding “Donald Trump is my father”

Britain First leader Paul Golding has revealed that US president Donald Trump is his father in a candid interview with the Guardian.

Public urged not to participate in Panda on the Veranda tradition.

Members of the public have been urged today to shun the Christmas tradition of leaving a live panda outside on some decking for the month of December apparently due to the poor survival rate of the rare bear like creatures in sub zero temperatures.

Trump defends sharing Skrewdriver tracks on Twitter

Donald Trump has reacted furiously this morning to suggestions by UK Prime Minister Theresa May that he should not share tracks by far right 1970s rockers Skrewdriver on social media.

Diesel powered juggernaut promoting diabetes causing drink to celebrate Jesus’ birthday

A large diesel powered lorry is to drive around the country hijacking a religious festival to promote it’s own corporate agenda, with free samples of a drink that erodes your teeth and causes diabetes.

Trump issues ultimatum to elephants

Donald Trump has issued an ultimatum to all elephants to cease and desist having big ears and a long trunk as tensions grow between the president and various factions of the animal kingdom