Pay day lenders to be a bit more jolly and sing more songs

Pay day lenders are to be required by law to compensate for the crippling debt that they leave many of their customers in by being a bit more cheerful and working their sales pitches and final demands into famous tunes from musicals, according to new legislation announced today.

As part of a move to clean up the industry, Office of Fair Trading Chief Clive Maxwell argued “Some of these pay day loan companies ‘seem’ jolly and musical enough when you watch the TV adverts but when it comes to final demands on 1700% APR, customers have complained that they are just far too serious and there is often no music involved at all. Personally if I’d borrowed £120 till the end of the month and I’d found out I was going to have to sell my house to pay back thousands of pounds in interest, I’d like to be told this in a light hearted fashion to the tune of ‘Ah shaddappa yo face’ by Joe Dolce.”

Indeed rumours have been circulating that Joe Dolce himself has been hired by a well known pay day loans company to co-ordinate their debt recovery department. Mr Dolce told us “I can’t confirm anything but if I was involved, it would mean every time a customer missed a payment they would be sent a recorded message of me saying ‘Whatsa matter you?’ and the whole debt recovery team shouting ‘Hey!'”

For one customer we spoke to the legislation could not come a moment too soon. “I’m trapped in a permanent cycle of debt and despair. But if I could have my frequent threatening demands delivered to me in the style of songs from ‘Bedknobs and Broomsticks’, sung by Tommy Steele and Michael Ball driving a clown car, I’d feel a lot happier about the whole situation.”

Labour leader Eddie Miliband argued that the legislation doesn’t go far enough. “The trouble is that underneath the new lighthearted musical theme still lies an extortionate interest rate. Under a Labour government however, customers will be legally entitled to ‘payment holidays’ where they can miss payments and instead offer minor sexual favours.”