“Now I can put my nob in the sponge mix” announces Paul Hollywood

paul-hollywood-nob-in-cake-mix

Paul Hollywood has said he is delighted that he is the sole presenter and judge of bake off as now there are now no ladies to prevent him from putting his nob in the cake mix.

Jerry Sadowitz to present Bake off

jerry-sadowitz-bake-off

Comedian and Magician Jerry Sadowitz is set to host the new series of Great British Bake off according to Channel 4 who announced yesterday that they had won the contract for the flagship cake making competition.

Club shut down by people who don’t go clubbing anymore

fabric-islington-council

People who don’t go clubbing have called the closure of London super-club Fabric, a victory for common sense, particularly as they don’t go clubbing anymore so it won’t affect them.

Rick Astley “never going to fuck off”

rick astley

Rick Astley is never going to fuck off and will more than likely be warbling away when our grandchildren reach middle age according to scientists.

Justin Bieber to back leave campaign

justin bieber

The campaign for Britain to remain in the EU has suffered another setback today following news that Justin Bieber has thrown his weight behind the leave campaign.

Lenny Henry bookies’ favourite to be next James bond

lenny henry james bond

Daily Mail readers are thought to be incensed following a story in the Mail that Lenny Henry is now the bookies favourite to be the next James Bond.

Coldplay not even ill

coldplay not ill

The band Coldplay were reportedly not even ill last night let alone on death’s door according to sources close to the band.

Disappointment as super-injunction possibly just about Elton John’s stupid sex life

elton john sex

The British public have today aired their mass disappointment that according to some people on twitter the great big celebrity super-injunction that has been in the news for weeks might just be about Elton John and his stupid sex life. One person thriving on unfounded rumour said “We don’t know if it is or it […]

Jimmy Savile waxwork to be removed from Madame Tussauds

jimmy savile waxwork

Britain’s most famous waxwork museum, Madame Tussauds, have confirmed this morning that they will be removing their replica of Jimmy Savile following complaints from some members of the public. The decision, which comes after an original plan to keep the wax work on display but stop the controversial recording of “Urgh-ee-Urgh-ee Urgh” that played in […]

Furious Gary Barlow demands explanation from PM over tax affairs

angry gary barlow

An incandescent with rage Gary Barlow has gone on record to demand and a full and frank explanation of David Cameron’s tax affairs.