Rick Astley “never going to fuck off”

rick astley

Rick Astley is never going to fuck off and will more than likely be warbling away when our grandchildren reach middle age according to scientists.

Justin Bieber to back leave campaign

justin bieber

The campaign for Britain to remain in the EU has suffered another setback today following news that Justin Bieber has thrown his weight behind the leave campaign.

Lenny Henry bookies’ favourite to be next James bond

lenny henry james bond

Daily Mail readers are thought to be incensed following a story in the Mail that Lenny Henry is now the bookies favourite to be the next James Bond.

Coldplay not even ill

coldplay not ill

The band Coldplay were reportedly not even ill last night let alone on death’s door according to sources close to the band.

Disappointment as super-injunction possibly just about Elton John’s stupid sex life

elton john sex

The British public have today aired their mass disappointment that according to some people on twitter the great big celebrity super-injunction that has been in the news for weeks might just be about Elton John and his stupid sex life. One person thriving on unfounded rumour said “We don’t know if it is or it […]

Jimmy Savile waxwork to be removed from Madame Tussauds

jimmy savile waxwork

Britain’s most famous waxwork museum, Madame Tussauds, have confirmed this morning that they will be removing their replica of Jimmy Savile following complaints from some members of the public. The decision, which comes after an original plan to keep the wax work on display but stop the controversial recording of “Urgh-ee-Urgh-ee Urgh” that played in […]

Furious Gary Barlow demands explanation from PM over tax affairs

angry gary barlow

An incandescent with rage Gary Barlow has gone on record to demand and a full and frank explanation of David Cameron’s tax affairs.

Francis Bacon self-portrait vandalised by monkey with a sponge

Francis Bacon portrait

Sotheby’s  have admitted they will be lucky to get any serious bids for a rare self-portrait by Francis Bacon after it appears to have been vandalised by some sort of demented monkey with a sponge, thus leaving it looking nothing like him. A spokesman for the prestigious auction house said “It’s all smudged. This is […]

Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall consummate their marriage

Murdoch Hall nuptials

Media mogul Rupert Murdoch and former model Jerry Hall are reported to be consummating their marriage at this exact moment according to sources close to the pair. Reports that neither have been seen live on any internet footage for a matter of minutes in the aftermath of their earlier nuptials have led to widespread speculation […]

Festival under threat as McCarthy and Stone build Glastonbury retirement flats

mcCarthy and stone

Glastonbury festival is thought to be under threat today following news that McCarthy and Stone have received planning permission to build a retirement complex just yards from where the main stage would normally be situated. Land owner Michael Eavis said “I was initially against the idea but then it occurred to me that  I’ve had […]

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