Customer fury as Tesco substitute hen’s eggs for dog eggs

A Tesco customer was left fuming after returning home with her click and collect order to find that her usual hens’ eggs had been substituted with dogs eggs.

Richard Madeley urges second EU referendum

A second EU referendum seems far more likely today following an impassioned plea for one by daytime TV personality Richard Madeley.

Public fury as woman wins case not to find Mrs Brown’s boys funny

Campaigner Gina Miller has won a landmark case not to find Mrs Brown’s Boys funny depsite the fact that it was voted Britain’s best comedy by the British public

Trump begins arresting and waterboarding musicians

US citizens have been urged today to come forward regarding the whereabouts of Bruce Springsteen, Elton John and U2 who are all reportedly on the run following news that President Of the USA, Donald Trump, has ordered the arrest and subsequent waterboarding of all musicians apart from the ones that played his inauguration.

Jimmy Saville awarded Time Magazine’s person of the year

The late entertainer Jimmy Saville has been awarded Person of the Year for 2016 by US magazine Time.

Ray Winstone to fight hard Brexit

Ray Winstone has challenged hard Brexit to a fight in a move that may be seen as a bitter blow to Prime Minister Theresa May’s authority on the matter.

Jim Davidson to run for Prime Minister

Jim Davidson is to run for MP, leadership of the conservative party and Prime Minister in time for this years likely general election according to party sources. “People are too scared to slap a woman’s arse and do impressions of Indian people. I want an immediate return to 1970s intolerance and I’m going to criminalise […]

Jerry Springer to host UKIP leadership debate

Jerry Springer has confirmed that he will be hosting a live television debate between UKIP leadership candidates Suzanne Evans and Paul Nuttall.

“Now I can put my nob in the sponge mix” announces Paul Hollywood

Paul Hollywood has said he is delighted that he is the sole presenter and judge of bake off as now there are now no ladies to prevent him from putting his nob in the cake mix.

Jerry Sadowitz to present Bake off

Comedian and Magician Jerry Sadowitz is set to host the new series of Great British Bake off according to Channel 4 who announced yesterday that they had won the contract for the flagship cake making competition.