Pope urged to wear swimming trunks

pope swimming trunks

The Pope has been called on today to ditch his antiquated religious garb from the middle ages and wear swimming trunks round the clock on the off chance that he fancies a dip in the sea.

Modern medicine to blame as non-vaccinated people catch measles at festivals

measles at festivals

Pharmaceutical companies and so-called Doctors have been asked to account for the fact that people have been catching measles at festivals despite being at one with the earth and never having been vaccinated.

George Osborne’s dominatrix given knighthood

george osborne's dominatrix

George Osborne’s regular dominatrix has been awarded a knighthood today for services to pleasuring over privileged former public school boys with a piece of birch.

Bloke having crisis on Facebook found enjoying himself in pub

man in pub

A man having an apparent crisis on Facebook has been found safe and sound, not upset at all and enjoying a pint in his local.

Red people should piss off back to their own country

red people

Britain is being overrun by bright red people with peely skin, who should piss off back to their own country, according to foreign secretary Boris Johnson.

“No cure for Hunt” warn Doctors

doctors cure for hunt

Modern medicine as we know it has been infected by a severe case of Jeremy Fucking Hunt which is proving resistant to all known treatments Doctors have warned today.

Children no longer have to go to school

term time holiday

Children no longer legally have to go to school following the victory of Isle of Wight father John Platt in the high court this morning.

Jeremy Hunt to go on strike

Jeremy Hunt on strike

Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt is set to go on strike imminently having balloted himself earlier on today.

Stonehenge summer solstice party to end at midnight

stonehenge solstice

Revellers celebrating the summer solstice at Stonehenge this year will be expected to vacate the site by midnight, in order to make it clean and presentable for paying visitors the following day, according to the latest diktat by English Heritage. A spokesman for the charity, who are entrusted with charging people for things they already […]

Bognor Regis to replace pebbles on beach with mini-chocolate eggs

easter bunny bognor

Bognor Regis is expecting a stampede of tourists this week-end following the council’s decision to replace the pebbles on its beach with mini-chocolate eggs.

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