Brighton Council to ban wind chimes

Brighton Council is to issue on the spot fines for residents who have wind chimes in their gardens, as part of a crack down on anti-social behaviour.

Customer fury as Tesco substitute hen’s eggs for dog eggs

A Tesco customer was left fuming after returning home with her click and collect order to find that her usual hens’ eggs had been substituted with dogs eggs.

Hunt “Doctors must be able to fly”

Doctors are to be required to be able to soar through the air like a bird following a new directive from Secretary of State for Health, Jeremy Fucking Hunt

Heterosexual couple lose bid to be treated like a gay couple ten years ago

A heterosexual couple has lost the right to be not allowed to get married as if they were a gay couple trying to get married before gay marriage was defined in law.

Man nipping over to France for a few days “defying the will of the people”

A man nipping over to France for a long week-end has been accused of defying the will of the people by the Daily Mail.

Poor people to ask Philip Schofield before spending benefits

Poor people will be required to consult Phillip Schofield before spending any of their benefits according to new legislation passed today.

English Defence league to assist with English tuition for new immigrants

The English Defence League is to offer free English tuition to all new immigrants in a new project designed to facilitate communication and ease racial tension.

Bloke on Motorway makes New year’s resolution to try indicating just fucking once

A motorway driver has today made a new years resolution to try actually indicating just fucking once before moving from lane to lane without contemplating the possibility of anyone else on the road. Ronald Shitbucket who drives his MPV mainly at week-ends told us that he was looking forward to starting the new year by […]

Dave Lee Travis working as Santa in John Lewis

Former Radio One DJ Dave Lee Travis has put the blame firmly on the media today , following news that he is now forced to accept seasonal work as Santa Claus in the High Wycombe branch of John Lewis.

Immigrants disguising themselves as Elf on the Shelf

Many families hosting an Elf on the Shelf this Christmas may unwittingly be harbouring an illegal immigrant who left unattended would most likely take your job and convert your children to Islam according to UKIP leader Paul Nuttall.