Heterosexual couple lose bid to be treated like a gay couple ten years ago


A heterosexual couple has lost the right to be not allowed to get married as if they were a gay couple trying to get married before gay marriage was defined in law.

Man nipping over to France for a few days “defying the will of the people”


A man nipping over to France for a long week-end has been accused of defying the will of the people by the Daily Mail.

Poor people to ask Philip Schofield before spending benefits


Poor people will be required to consult Phillip Schofield before spending any of their benefits according to new legislation passed today.

English Defence league to assist with English tuition for new immigrants


The English Defence League is to offer free English tuition to all new immigrants in a new project designed to facilitate communication and ease racial tension.

Bloke on Motorway makes New year’s resolution to try indicating just fucking once


A motorway driver has today made a new years resolution to try actually indicating just fucking once before moving from lane to lane without contemplating the possibility of anyone else on the road. Ronald Shitbucket who drives his MPV mainly at week-ends told us that he was looking forward to starting the new year by […]

Dave Lee Travis working as Santa in John Lewis


Former Radio One DJ Dave Lee Travis has put the blame firmly on the media today , following news that he is now forced to accept seasonal work as Santa Claus in the High Wycombe branch of John Lewis.

Immigrants disguising themselves as Elf on the Shelf


Many families hosting an Elf on the Shelf this Christmas may unwittingly be harbouring an illegal immigrant who left unattended would most likely take your job and convert your children to Islam according to UKIP leader Paul Nuttall.

“£5 notes made from free range cows” assure Bank of England


The Bank of England have assured the public today that all cows used to produce the new £5 note lived a wonderfully free life, gambolling through the meadows, before being slaughtered and used to emboss the Queen’s head on legal tender.

Britain to pull out of drinking in moderation


Britain is to opt out of the EU policy of moderate drinking at meal times in favour of the traditional British policy of getting as drunk as a monkey on an empty stomach on a Friday night.

Waitress “unable” to exchange tomato for extra sausage on full English

Portrait of happy young waitress filling coffee in cup from machine at cafe

The Equality and Human Rights Commission has reported one of the worst cases of Disability discrimination following the sad tale of a waitress with afflictions so severe that she was unable to exchange tomato for an extra sausage on the menu of a full English breakfast.