“Many people have impurities in their arses” David Wolfe warns

Much of the western world is suffering with impurities in their arses, caused by modern living and conventional science, according to alternative medicine advocate David Wolfe.

Butchers prepare for busiest day of the year as vegans take day off

Butchers are preparing for their busiest trading day outside Christmas as vegans throughout Britain approach their annual day off this week.

Corbyn’s daughter to market own range of fragrances

Jeremy Corbyn has today denied any conflict of interest with his position as leader of the opposition and his recent promotion of his daughter’s new range of fragrances which came on the market this week.

Scientists discover pride of vegan lions

Scientists studying lions in Africa have stumbled upon a tribe of vegan lions that have shunned the normal carnivorous diet associated with their species and instead live solely on fruit and vegetables.

God wants you to have diabetes

God wants you to have diabetes and he shows this by sending us his only rabbit, laden with mass produced chocolates, made by faceless corporations, according to Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.

Brighton Council to ban wind chimes

Brighton Council is to issue on the spot fines for residents who have wind chimes in their gardens, as part of a crack down on anti-social behaviour.

Customer fury as Tesco substitute hen’s eggs for dog eggs

A Tesco customer was left fuming after returning home with her click and collect order to find that her usual hens’ eggs had been substituted with dogs eggs.

Hunt “Doctors must be able to fly”

Doctors are to be required to be able to soar through the air like a bird following a new directive from Secretary of State for Health, Jeremy Fucking Hunt

Heterosexual couple lose bid to be treated like a gay couple ten years ago

A heterosexual couple has lost the right to be not allowed to get married as if they were a gay couple trying to get married before gay marriage was defined in law.

Man nipping over to France for a few days “defying the will of the people”

A man nipping over to France for a long week-end has been accused of defying the will of the people by the Daily Mail.