“When can I stop washing my hands again?” Matt Hancock asked

Health Secretary Matt Hancock is under increasing pressure to outline when people can stop washing their hands again.

“Is it alright to bring back Chalky?” Jim Davidson asks

Jim Davidson is set to bring back his side-splitting 1970s character Chalky following news that the Government have given the thumbs up to being racist again.

Chessington World of Adventures to host free Brexit party

Chessington World of Adventures is to open its doors to Brexiters free of charge on 31st January to celebrate  Britain’s long awaited departure from the EU.

“Thank you for voting Conservative” say FTSE 100 bosses

FTSE 100 Chief Executives have written an open letter to the public thanking them for voting Conservative, as it means they have already earned the national average salary after only going back to work yesterday. 

Jeremy Corbyn to stand for Labour leadership

Jeremy Corbyn has thrown his hat into the ring in the forthcoming Labour leadership contest in a surprise move that immediately sees him as favourite to win.

Johnson “I did it for Brexit”

Boris Johnson didn’t do it. But if he did, he did it for Brexit according to a statement from the Prime Minister.

Labour Government to stay in and leave the EU

A Labour Government would unify the people by both staying in the EU and leaving it.

There won’t be a no deal Brexit recession because laughing smiley face

There won’t be any sort of recession following a no deal Brexit because “laughing smiley face” and “we won get over it”, according to experts.

Peterborough votes for no NHS and fucking expensive holidays

The plucky people of Peterborough have voted decidedly for the abolition of the NHS and for holidays abroad to be even more expensive than they are now.

Theresa May “You can have Spam sandwiches or Shit sandwiches”

Prime Minister Theresa May has today warned that anyone shunning her offer of Spam sandwiches for lunch will have to eat shit sandwiches.