Welsh language just gibberish


The Welsh language is merely gibberish made up on the spot according to scientists studying it to see if it is in fact a real language or just nonsense.

Tristram Hunt to challenge for Labour leadership


Former Shadow Education Secretary Tristram Hunt has announced his intention to challenge Jeremy Corbyn in a Labour leadership contest.

Portsmouth and Southampton to share football team


Portsmouth and Southampton will only need one football team once the new Solent authority comes into force according to Portsmouth City Council leader Donna Jones.

“Now I can put my nob in the sponge mix” announces Paul Hollywood


Paul Hollywood has said he is delighted that he is the sole presenter and judge of bake off as now there are now no ladies to prevent him from putting his nob in the cake mix.

Mass school brawl probably over conkers or scrumping


Secretary of State for Education Justine Greening has told critics that the recent mass brawl involving 100 school pupils in Northumberland Heath was probably due to lack of conkers due to the late autumn or perhaps someone scrumping more than their fair share of apples from nearby farms and gardens.

Man on phone can’t give any prices until a salesman comes to your house


A man on the phone has explained that he is simply unable to reveal the prices of any of his company’s products until a salesman comes to your house.

Trump “USA would do better in paralympics if we had more guns”


The USA’s pitiful performance in the Paralympics is entirely due to Americans not having enough guns, according to presidential hopeful Donald Trump.

Diane James to “strangle a puppy a day” until Britain leaves EU


New UKIP leader and salaried MEP Diane James has promised UKIP members that she will squeeze the life out of a new born puppy every single day until Britain invokes article 50 and then every day after that until the process is complete.

Jerry Sadowitz to present Bake off


Comedian and Magician Jerry Sadowitz is set to host the new series of Great British Bake off according to Channel 4 who announced yesterday that they had won the contract for the flagship cake making competition.

Cameron to start new life as a farmer


Former Prime Minister David Cameron is to start a new career as a farmer, following his resignation as an MP today.