Weak and pissy lager in weaker and pissier than advertised shocker

Weak and pissy lager giant Carling has apologised following revelations that their weak and pissy lager is actually weaker and pissier than advertised, shocking all but people who have ever tried it.

Brexiters celebrate by buying one beer between them in Spain

Some Brexiters on holiday in Spain have celebrated getting their country back by clubbing together for a glass of beer and four straws it has emerged today.

Brexit is worth losing a bollock over say over 65s

People over 65 who support Brexit would continue to back it even if it meant losing one of their bollocks to ensure it went ahead.

Brexiters celebrate British independence by dousing chickens in toilet duck

Brexit supporters throughout the country have been celebrating British Independence by dousing their chickens in toilet duck, thought to be a prerequisite of any trade deal with America. 

Swivel-eyed loons bribe God-bothering homophobes to form isolationist government

Austerity-fetishist food bank deniers the conservative party have given some homophobic God-botherers a billion pounds or two to agree with them for four years as Britain makes preparations to unnecessarily withdraw from the worlds biggest single market.

May to deny evolution in return for DUP support of hard Brexit

The world is 4000 years old and the human race started with one white couple in Africa, an apple and a snake, the Prime Minister has confirmed following this morning’s meeting with the DUP.

May “Gerard Depardieu is interfering in our General Election”

Foreigners from across the sea are interfering in the UK General election in a plot masterminded by Gerard Depardieu according to Prime Minister Theresa May.

People unite behind more reliance on food banks and no NHS

Theresa May looks set to win the forthcoming General election due to the overwhelming popularity of more people needing food banks and her plans to completely dismantle the NHS.

Independent Scotland to govern Gibraltar

An independent Scotland could govern Gibraltar thus allowing both to remain in Europe according to Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon.

“You’re on your own now” says every single economist ever

Every single economist and financial analyst ever has wished Britain the best of luck in it’s exit from the single market, but has ruled out sticking around to watch it happen. A spokesman for credit rating agency Standard and Poors said “I’ve been warning against a clusterfuck of a recession for years and now its […]