There won’t be a no deal Brexit recession because laughing smiley face

There won’t be any sort of recession following a no deal Brexit because “laughing smiley face” and “we won get over it”, according to experts.

Peterborough votes for no NHS and fucking expensive holidays

The plucky people of Peterborough have voted decidedly for the abolition of the NHS and for holidays abroad to be even more expensive than they are now.

Autumn dismissed as “project fear”

The season of Autumn has been dismissed as “scaremongering and project fear” according to a number of prominent politicians.

“We give you independence and look what you do with it” Uk tells USA

Britain would be reticent to offer the USA independence if it asked for it again  according to Government sources.

Britain “tricked into making passports colour of the EU flag”

Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage has lambasted the EU today for tricking Britain into changing its passport colour to blue like the EU flag.

Brexiters joy as Britain pays Europe £39 billion that could have gone on NHS

Brexiters throughout Britain are celebrating today that Britain could now save £350 million a week to be spent on the NHS by instead paying £39 billion pounds to Europe that could have gone on the NHS.

Britain First downgraded to Britain Second

Far right pressure group Britain First have been downgraded to Britain Second by credit reference agency Moody’s.

Weak and pissy lager in weaker and pissier than advertised shocker

Weak and pissy lager giant Carling has apologised following revelations that their weak and pissy lager is actually weaker and pissier than advertised, shocking all but people who have ever tried it.

Brexiters celebrate by buying one beer between them in Spain

Some Brexiters on holiday in Spain have celebrated getting their country back by clubbing together for a glass of beer and four straws it has emerged today.

Brexit is worth losing a bollock over say over 65s

People over 65 who support Brexit would continue to back it even if it meant losing one of their bollocks to ensure it went ahead.