Queen to offer Trump British delicacy of Dog Eggs on state visit

President Trump will be invited to Buckingham Palace to savour the exquisite British dish of dog eggs when he arrives on his state visit according to sources close to the Queen.

Grovelling British subjects thank the Queen for letting them pay for her party and no bank holiday

Grovelling British subjects throughout Britain have come together to thank her Royal Highness for having a party at their expense without actually being invited themselves and no sodding bank holiday.

Royal baby photos released by media thinking it’s the 1970s and anyone cares

Some photos of a perfectly normal baby on her first birthday are being widely publicised by the media today, due to a dark feudal lineage based on her ancestors seizing totalitarian power through a murderous rampage.

Queen to down 90 pints

The Queen is to down 90 pints live on TV to celebrate her birthday on Thursday according to a statement issued by the palace. A spokesman for the Queen said “Her Majesty her the royal highness the queen will be honouring the nation by consuming one pint of lager for every year of her life. […]

Will and Kate taunt poor people with tax payer funded holiday

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have released a series of photographs of their tax payer funded trip to the French Alps in an attempt to taunt poor people and laugh at their angry little faces. “The Duke and Duchess hope you oiky little people enjoy the photos,and subsequently lament your own serfdom.” A Royal […]

Queen to appear on next episode of Who Do You Think You Are

The Queen is set to appear as the guest celebrity on the next episode of popular genealogy documentary Who Do You Think You Are, according to BBC sources. A spokesman for the Corporation told us that the Queen, who is also rumoured to be filming an episode of Undercover Boss, wasn’t a big fan of […]

Queen “I was hailing a bus”

Her Majesty the Queen has gone on record today to reassure the public that pictures of her and the late Queen Mother performing nazi salutes were in fact merely the family hailing a bus. “Obviously on special occasions we would travel in an ornate horse drawn carriage with a big gold knob on the top […]

Queen urges legal high binge before law changes

The Queen has urged all subjects to have a proper binge on legal highs before they are made illegal in her speech today. Speaking on the first day of parliament her majesty said “My Government will ban anything that looks like a drug, sounds like a drug or smells like a drug with the obvious […]

Charles urges didgeridoo therapy on the NHS

Prince Charles wrote repeatedly to the then Secretary of state for Health Patricia Hewitt demanding that conventional healthcare on the NHS be replaced immediately with didgeridoo therapy according to a series of private letters that have now been released into the public domain. An excerpt from one such correspondence in 2005 read “Dear Patricia, It’s […]

British public wake up every two hours in empathy with Royal couple

The British public have spent the night en masse waking up every two hours or so in empathy with the Royal couple who have spent the first night at home with the Royal baby. Some it’s thought set their own alarms whilst in some areas entire towns relied on former WWII air raid sirens to […]