Queen to down 90 pints

Queen 90 pints

The Queen is to down 90 pints live on TV to celebrate her birthday on Thursday according to a statement issued by the palace. A spokesman for the Queen said “Her Majesty her the royal highness the queen will be honouring the nation by consuming one pint of lager for every year of her life. […]

Charles urges didgeridoo therapy on the NHS

prince charles didgeridoo

Prince Charles wrote repeatedly to the then Secretary of state for Health Patricia Hewitt demanding that conventional healthcare on the NHS be replaced immediately with didgeridoo therapy according to a series of private letters that have now been released into the public domain. An excerpt from one such correspondence in 2005 read “Dear Patricia, It’s […]

Prince Charles’ letters reveal hatred of short people

prince charles letters

Many of Prince Charles’ letters to the Government reveal a deep routed hatred of short people it has emerged after a ruling passed today by the supreme court means that now anyone can actually read the letters as long as they do so respectfully and promise not to laugh. One letter to the then Prime […]

Prince Charles to rule Britain with a rod of iron

prince charles

Prince Charles will abandon the democratic system the moment he is king and will rule Britain with a rod of iron a bit like Henry VIII or Kim Jong-Un according to palace insiders. Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell said “He’s been meeting with other kings and Princes over in the middle east, and he’s also been […]

Prince Charles “Everyone should stick a crystal up their arse”

prince charles crystal arse

Prince Charles has confirmed that on becoming King he will pass a law that everyone must embrace alternative therapies, beginning with inserting a crystal up their arse. Hitting back at “scientists”, who have criticised his unnerving support for alternative therapies, the Prince, also known as the Duke of Woo, said that the conventional medical world […]

Prince Charles steps down as royal

prince charles abdicates

Prince Charles has today abdicated from his position as King-in-Waiting following revelations that he sought to influence Government decisions Speaking from outside Buckingham Palace and now known simply as Chas Windsor, the former royal explained “It’s the only decent thing to do really, I’ve overplayed my card and been caught trying to act out a […]

Prince Charles to become King of Spain

Prince Charles King of Spain

Prince Charles is to take over from King Juan Carlos of Spain who has abdicated today.  A shock to many, the ruling is apparently due to a  recent European directive that went largely unnoticed at the time, where the appointment of new monarchs within the EU will be decided on how long they’ve been endlessly […]

Prince Charles “Putin is just like Arnold out of Different Strokes”

arnold

Relationships between the Kremlin and Buckingham Palace have deteriorated further today after the Prince Charles is widely to believed to have passed comments seemingly accusing the Russian Premier of looking and acting like Arnold out of Different Strokes. The hapless monarch in waiting is said to have voiced his feelings at a recent visit to […]

Prince Edward announces his retirement

prince edward

Eighth in line to the throne Prince Edward has marked his 50th birthday today with the sad news that he will be retiring from the things that he does, whatever they might be, with immediate effect. Speaking from outside Buckingham Palace, where he was due to celebrate his half century with other royals and fellow […]

Prince William saves endangered species by shooting all other animals

prince william hunting

Prince William has vowed today to save endangered species by shooting all other animals until their populations reach similarly low levels. Speaking to Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell through a megaphone the youngish royal explained “There may be only a few thousand rhinos left but if we decimate the population of deer with a shoot fest, […]