Charles urges didgeridoo therapy on the NHS

Prince Charles wrote repeatedly to the then Secretary of state for Health Patricia Hewitt demanding that conventional healthcare on the NHS be replaced immediately with didgeridoo therapy according to a series of private letters that have now been released into the public domain.

An excerpt from one such correspondence in 2005 read “Dear Patricia, It’s quite clear that people are being prescribed antibiotics left right and centre when in reality they need to be made to lie down on the floor, whilst a didgeridoo therapist makes a healing farty noise down a long tube. It may not be “scientifically proven” to work and admittedly sometimes the patient may end up being splashed with a little bit of dribble from out of the end of the tube, but that does not mean we shouldn’t embrace it. I pay a bloke £400 a time to perform such therapies on me and I’m a Prince. How much more proof do you need?”

Patricia Hewitt it’s thought had seriously considered the proposals responding “Unfortunately Charles we’re held hostage by so called Doctors who insist on having everything proven in ‘trials’ or something. We will of course be giving Doctors targets for smug but ineffective  herbal remedies and agree with you that surgeries should be built on ley lines.”

Current Health Secretary Jeremy fucking Hunt said that it was irresponsible of the Guardian newspaper to petition for the publication of the letters.

“I think the monarch to be should be able to influence a democratically elected government and if he feels that everyone should stick a crystal up their arse then so be it. But if more of these letters become public it’s going to look like someone with great wealth and privilege is clinging on to unproven therapies and general quackery in order to vainly attempt to add some sort of depth to his pampered and pointless life.  If everyone is allowed to read them he might then stop writing them.” He explained.

“And we’ll just have to rely on the daily phone calls” He added.