Portsmouth and Southampton to share football team


Portsmouth and Southampton will only need one football team once the new Solent authority comes into force according to Portsmouth City Council leader Donna Jones.

Lineker presents MOTD whilst taking a shit

lineker taking a shit

Gary Lineker kept his promise and introduced the opening Match of the Day of the new season whilst taking a shit.

Armchair pundit called Gavin announced as new England Manager

new england manager

Plucked from obscurity in a surprise move by the FA, Gavin Watson is set to become a household name after being announced as the replacement for Roy Hodgson who resigned last night.

Putin “I had nothing to do with the football violence or the invasion of Ukraine”

putin euro 2016

Russian President Vladimir Putin has confirmed today that he had absolutely nothing to do with the recent football violence in France and nothing to do with the invasion of Ukraine either.

Ravers angrily deny doping claims

ravers doping scandal

Ravers from the late eighties through to the late nineties have reacted furiously to accusations that they used illegal drugs in order to award themselves with the title of having had the “best night ever” The revelations have caused upset amongst non drug using ravers who spent night out after night out dancing away to […]

Blatter to continue to run FIFA from prison

sepp blatter prison

Sepp Blatter will continue to run FIFA from prison should he be found guilty according to sources close to the cash snaffling football boss. A spokesman for the hapless front for a sporting organisation said that Mr Blatter would not be the first head of an organisation to be prosecuted for criminal mismanagement, and still […]

Olympic medals awarded to fat man as all athletes fail narcotics tests


All Olympic medals are set to be reallocated to a fat man following the news that all athletes have tested positive on a mass retest of samples from 1954 to the present day. A spokesman for the International Olympic Committee said “We have to give these medals to someone. And as it turns out all […]

Putin “We’ll completely understand if Russia loses world cup”

putin blatter

Russian President Vladimir Putin has said that he will completely understand if Russia loses the right to host the 2018 World Cup should some evidence of bribery be uncovered in the current FBI investigation on FIFA. Speaking to a heaving press conference the Mr Putin said “We will of course launch a full investigation into […]

Sepp Blatter “I’ve never even seen a football”

sepp blatter

FIFA president Sepp Blatter has responded robustly to accusations that his role as Godfather of a criminal organisation is actually a front for games of football. Speaking at the opening of FIFA’s congress Mr Blatter said  “I’ve never even seen a football, let alone kicked one. I can promise you I’m too concerned with bribery […]

We’ll never ever post goals on twitter again promise all football fans

football fans

  Football fans have come together to promise the Premier league that they will never ever post goals via vine on twitter again and that they are all jolly sorry that they ever did in the first place. One sorrowful fan  told us  “We know what we have done is wrong and we’re all wracked […]