Russian Premier Vladimir Putin is thought to be stumped as to how he might sabotage the forthcoming UK general election without inadvertently making it better, according to Kremlin sources.
Putin unsure how to screw up UK General election any more than it is
April 18, 2017 by Leave a Comment
God refuses to attend Trump’s inauguration
January 15, 2017 by 1 Comment
Donald Trump has suffered the biggest snub to his presidency so far after God has reportedly ruled out attending the President Elect’s inauguration.
Trump “We will build a giant Mexican and Pink Floyd will have to pay for it”
January 14, 2017 by Leave a Comment
Donald Trump will commission the construction of a gigantic Mexican bankrolled by progressive rock band Pink Floyd according to the President Elect this morning.
Putin outlines Trump’s induction week
November 10, 2016 by 2 Comments
Russian Premier Vladimir Putin has sent Donald Trump his firm offer of the job in the White House and outlined the itinerary for his induction week.
Putin “I had nothing to do with the football violence or the invasion of Ukraine”
June 13, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Russian President Vladimir Putin has confirmed today that he had absolutely nothing to do with the recent football violence in France and nothing to do with the invasion of Ukraine either.
Putin joins Brexit campaign
March 9, 2016 by 1 Comment
Russian premier Vladimir Putin has today added his full support to the campaign for Britain to leave the EU.
Putin bans Turkey at Christmas
December 17, 2015 by Leave a Comment
Russian people are going to have to have either goose or duck for their Christmas dinner following reports that President Putin has banned all feasting on flappy necked birds between Christmas eve and Boxing day. “Anyone planning to celebrate Christmas with a roasted bird that goes by the same name as a country we have […]
Britain to bomb all venomous snakes
November 27, 2015 by Leave a Comment
Britain is to bomb all countries that have venomous snakes in order to stop them biting people once and for all according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking to a a packed press conference outside a COBRA meeting the premier said “We’re only going to be bombing countries that have these dangerous serpents. It’s the […]
Putin and Elton to meet “just as friends”
September 24, 2015 by Leave a Comment
A meeting to be held in the near future between Vladimir Putin and Elton John is “absolutely not a date” according to a statement from the Kremlin which has confirmed that the pair will be meeting up just as friends. “It is just a man suggesting meeting up with another man to discuss manly things […]
Russia bans half naked men from riding horses
January 11, 2015 by 1 Comment
Russia have banned topless men from riding horses in a way that shows off their man boobs as part of new legislation that is not actually homophobic but instead designed to maximise road safety. A spokesman for the Ministry of transport who have also banned the 1970s band the Village People from riding motorbikes explained […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.