“Now not the time for independence vote” Theresa May tells America

Theresa May has rejected calls for the USA to hold a referendum regarding independence from Britain today saying “now is not the time.”

“We’re going down the tube and we’re taking you with us” May tells Scotland

Britain is driving off a cliff half-cut and has Scotland locked in the boot, Prime Minister Theresa May has told Scottish Conservatives today.

Trump to deport toddlers

US President Donald Trump is to begin a mass deportation of toddlers following reports that statistically they shoot more people in America than Islamic terrorists.

May under fire as husband selling wheelbarrows for public to load worthless cash into

Theresa May has been accused of foul play today following revelations that her husband Philip May has cornered the market in wheelbarrows for people to fill up with soon to be worthless currency when they need to buy a loaf of bread.

May “We’re having an Okey Cokey Brexit”

Britain will be having an Okey Cokey Brexit where it puts its left foot in, out, in out and then shakes it all about according to Prime Minister Theresa May.

UK ambassador to EU resigns as EU countries refuse to speak English

The UK’s ambassador to the EU quit due to not understanding what anyone was talking about it has emerged today.

“Thanks Beardy! You’ve got me until 2025!” says May

Theresa May has the best part of a decade to do whatever the fuck she likes unchallenged and unhindered thanks to the British public’s steadfast refusal to trust a man with a beard.

“Strikes show nearly as much contempt for the public as I do” says May

Prime Minister Theresa May has voiced her secret admiration for the forthcoming strikes as she feels they treat the public with contempt, which is something she holds deep to her heart.

Conservative Government to make tough decisions due to financial mess inherited from themselves

The Government are going to have to make some tough decisions due the appalling state of the public purse that they inherited from the last Government, which was themselves, according to Chancellor of the Exchequer Philip Hammond.

“Yes we are controlled by secret lizard people” admits May

David Icke is right and MPs are under the direct control of lizard people, Prime Minister Theresa May has admitted today.