Theresa May “I’ll almost certainly still be in office by Christmas”

Theresa May will still be Prime Minister by Christmas and may even remain in power for longer than Donald Trump according to party insiders.

Get angry with people on the telly say austerity-mongering millionaire Tory MPs

Multi-millionaire Tory MPs, who claim expenses for second homes, have urged the public to get angry with people on TV.

Swivel-eyed loons bribe God-bothering homophobes to form isolationist government

Austerity-fetishist food bank deniers the conservative party have given some homophobic God-botherers a billion pounds or two to agree with them for four years as Britain makes preparations to unnecessarily withdraw from the worlds biggest single market.

May to deny evolution in return for DUP support of hard Brexit

The world is 4000 years old and the human race started with one white couple in Africa, an apple and a snake, the Prime Minister has confirmed following this morning’s meeting with the DUP.

May vows to exact absolute revenge on Labour voters

Theresa May is still going to win the General election despite all the recent kerfuffle and she is going to start her term by rounding up Labour voters and sending them to Tory correction centres.

Vote for shit education and no NHS because Corbyn might not launch a nuclear missile

Prime Minister Theresa May has warned members of the public that they must vote for child poverty, food banks, expensive social care, underfunded education, no NHS and a reduced army and police force as in the event that we are obliterated by a nuclear strike,  Prime Minister Corbyn may not launch one back to destroy […]

Conservatives to be nice to bunnies and kittens and give everyone free cake

The Conservative party will be lovely to fluffy animals, kiss babies and give everyone a free slice of cake according to their manifesto released this morning.

May promises workers’ rights like a python promising not to constrict anyone

Prime Minister Theresa May has promised to uphold workers rights, as presently required under EU law, in the style of a python promising not to constrict anyone or a crocodile vowing to become vegan.

Labour to take Britain back to the 1970s, when people could afford to buy a house

The Labour Party have been slated by the press today following accusations that they wish to take Britain back to the 1970s where there were loads more pubs, beer was 35p a pint and everyone could afford to buy a house.

Conservatives to bring back Jim’ll Fix it

The Conservative party will bring back Jim’ll Fix It on BBC1 if re-elected, according to Prime Minister Theresa May.