Putin unsure how to screw up UK General election any more than it is

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin is thought to be stumped as to how he might sabotage the forthcoming UK general election without inadvertently making it better, according to Kremlin sources.

Theresa May “The bible says I must take disabled people’s cars away”

Theresa May has only passed legislation to take mobility cars away from disabled people because it says so in the bible according to an interview with the God fearing Prime minister.

Independent Scotland to govern Gibraltar

An independent Scotland could govern Gibraltar thus allowing both to remain in Europe according to Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon.

“You’re on your own now” says every single economist ever

Every single economist and financial analyst ever has wished Britain the best of luck in it’s exit from the single market, but has ruled out sticking around to watch it happen. A spokesman for credit rating agency Standard and Poors said “I’ve been warning against a clusterfuck of a recession for years and now its […]

“Now not the time for independence vote” Theresa May tells America

Theresa May has rejected calls for the USA to hold a referendum regarding independence from Britain today saying “now is not the time.”

“We’re going down the tube and we’re taking you with us” May tells Scotland

Britain is driving off a cliff half-cut and has Scotland locked in the boot, Prime Minister Theresa May has told Scottish Conservatives today.

Trump to deport toddlers

US President Donald Trump is to begin a mass deportation of toddlers following reports that statistically they shoot more people in America than Islamic terrorists.

May under fire as husband selling wheelbarrows for public to load worthless cash into

Theresa May has been accused of foul play today following revelations that her husband Philip May has cornered the market in wheelbarrows for people to fill up with soon to be worthless currency when they need to buy a loaf of bread.

May “We’re having an Okey Cokey Brexit”

Britain will be having an Okey Cokey Brexit where it puts its left foot in, out, in out and then shakes it all about according to Prime Minister Theresa May.

UK ambassador to EU resigns as EU countries refuse to speak English

The UK’s ambassador to the EU quit due to not understanding what anyone was talking about it has emerged today.