“When can I stop washing my hands again?” Matt Hancock asked

Health Secretary Matt Hancock is under increasing pressure to outline when people can stop washing their hands again.

Chessington World of Adventures to host free Brexit party

Chessington World of Adventures is to open its doors to Brexiters free of charge on 31st January to celebrate  Britain’s long awaited departure from the EU.

Johnson “I did it for Brexit”

Boris Johnson didn’t do it. But if he did, he did it for Brexit according to a statement from the Prime Minister.

Labour Government to stay in and leave the EU

A Labour Government would unify the people by both staying in the EU and leaving it.

Peterborough votes for no NHS and fucking expensive holidays

The plucky people of Peterborough have voted decidedly for the abolition of the NHS and for holidays abroad to be even more expensive than they are now.

Autumn dismissed as “project fear”

The season of Autumn has been dismissed as “scaremongering and project fear” according to a number of prominent politicians.

“We give you independence and look what you do with it” Uk tells USA

Britain would be reticent to offer the USA independence if it asked for it again  according to Government sources.

Trump “London protesters begged me to come to UK”

A group of several hundred thousand protesters thought to be protesting against Donald Trump’s forthcoming UK visit are actually pro-Trump and begged him to come according to a statement issued by the US president this morning.

Free Tommy Robinson whatever he’s done

Former EDL leader Tommy Robinson should be freed irrespective of any crime he’s committed and any crime he might decide to commit in the future according to a select group of very loud gentlemen.

NRA leader “Stop calling me Shooty McShootface”

NRA leader Wayne LaPierre has appealed to the world to take the NRA seriously again and stop calling him Shooty McShootface.