Glastonbury revellers who arrived on Wednesday and already have the ‘turtles head showing’ have been reassured by organisers that they only have 3 more days before they can drop the kids off at the pool in the comfort of their own home.
Land owner, organiser and non-moustached beard type person, Michael Eavis, hit back angrily at claims that going for a dump at Glastonbury was anything other than a very pleasant experience indeed.
“This is nonsense. Of course you can take a shit here. You just have to stand precariously on the seat and try to poo on the top of the pile without hitting your ankles. That’s what I would probably do if I didn’t live round the corner. I just nip back to mine.” He explained.
Inexplicably however many revellers are thought to be shunning food and instead consuming drugs throughout the entire event, most likely in order to keep number twos down to an absolute minimum.
Headline act Kanye West has already been accused of insensitivity to the plight of his audience having had a gold plated sistern installed at the back of the main stage should he decide to release a brown trout during his set, and also annexing a swathe of portaloos for his sole use over the week-end. Mr West is well known for only using a brand new toilet every time he takes a shit.
The crooner denied that he was out of touch,
“I feel for your plight even though I’m not experiencing it myself. If I was you I’d find the nearest town with a wimpy at use the bogs there.” He suggested.
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