Swivel-eyed loons bribe God-bothering homophobes to form isolationist government

may dup coalition

Austerity-fetishist food bank deniers the conservative party have given some homophobic God-botherers a billion pounds or two to agree with them for four years as Britain makes preparations to unnecessarily withdraw from the worlds biggest single market.

Theresa May who apparently appears to be Prime Minister said that the bribe was a small price to pay to keep her in power, and would mean that at last we can stop people coming here to work hard and find a better life and also prevent our own citizens going abroad to work hard and find a better life.

“So at the moment young people are still able to live and look for work in 27 other countries. Well we’re going to put a stop to that and keep them here where there is now much less work anyway now that we’ve left the EU. Then we’re going to encourage people to spend the extra time they have being unemployed approaching anyone sounding vaguely foreign and asking for their papers.” She told Parliament this afternoon.

Despite rumours of long, drawn-out and sometimes acrimonious discussions, DUP leader Arlene Foster has re-assured critics that apart from the huge bribes the partnership will be quite straight forward.

“Our only condition is that once Mrs May has alienated Britain from every other European state then we can criminalise homosexuality and turn Britain into an episode of the Handmaid’s tale.” She explained.

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