Swivel-eyed loons bribe God-bothering homophobes to form isolationist government

Austerity-fetishist food bank deniers the conservative party have given some homophobic God-botherers a billion pounds or two to agree with them for four years as Britain makes preparations to unnecessarily withdraw from the worlds biggest single market.

Theresa May to headline Glastonbury on Sunday

Theresa May is to address Glastonbury revellers at the Pyramid stage on Sunday evening following Jeremy Corbyn’s talk today.

May vows to exact absolute revenge on Labour voters

Theresa May is still going to win the General election despite all the recent kerfuffle and she is going to start her term by rounding up Labour voters and sending them to Tory correction centres.

Sun readers somehow furious at Labour plans to tax people earning over 80k

Sun readers have endorsed their favourite newspaper’s call to arms following Labour plans to tax people earning over £80,000 a year a bit more.

Corbyn refuses to deny being present for 1970s

Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has refused to deny that he was present for the entire 1970s when the IRA was active, people were more racist and Jim’ll Fix it was on the TV every Saturday.

Trump orders review of guidelines regarding sticking your dick in a blender

President Trump has ordered an immediate review into bureaucratic and stifling guidelines that recommend not putting your dick in a blender. “It’s overly restrictive and it’s all been put in place to appease the Muslims. Any Christian folk know that God and God alone will prevent them getting their dick maimed in a blender if […]

Chris Evans in hiding as Princess Beatrice vows to stab all famous gingers

Princess Beatrice is to stab and maim all famous gingers with a sword, starting with Chris Evans, the moment she has visited Ed Sheeran in hospital and finished the job she started according to Royal sources.

Conservative Government to make tough decisions due to financial mess inherited from themselves

The Government are going to have to make some tough decisions due the appalling state of the public purse that they inherited from the last Government, which was themselves, according to Chancellor of the Exchequer Philip Hammond.

Government to escape to private island following Brexit

Theresa May’s Government are planning to escape to a privately owned tropical island following a hard Brexit according to Conservative party insiders.

Post Brexit Britain to bring back white dog poo

Theresa May has today promised that a post Brexit  Government will take Britain back to simpler times when dog poo was white and you could find some on almost every residential street. “We need to return Britain to a bygone era where everyone wakes up to a bowl of frosted sugar smacked winnits and walks […]