“Thank you for voting Conservative” say FTSE 100 bosses

FTSE 100 Chief Executives have written an open letter to the public thanking them for voting Conservative, as it means they have already earned the national average salary after only going back to work yesterday.

One extract from the letter, jointly penned from the Island of Mustique where many were enjoying a well earned break after working on Monday stated:

“Not only have you protected us from any Governmental scrutiny but you also voted for less workers’ rights. Firstly, you voted to leave the EU and lost all your rights there and then you voted for a party that doesn’t believe in them. So we can pay you less and next year we’ll have trousered the national average by Monday lunchtime. Not a clue why you did that but thank you.”

However, Boris Johnson has described the matter as “piffle” and”wiffle-waffle” and argued that FTSE 100 CEOs are paid “chicken feed”. “If people have an issue with a disparity of income then what they are really telling us is get to Brexit done. Or for us to tell them we’ve got Brexit done. Or something. Who would know? Anyway it doesn’t really matter. You’ve voted me in now.

“To some it might seem a little unfair, and I don’t want to rub it in by saying turkeys voting for Christmas, fish voting for nets or foxes voting for hunting. But while we’re on animal analogies I just have to say I couldn’t have done it without my faithful Border Collie Willy de People! Fetch Willy!”