Former Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan has persuaded the entire population of America to stop using guns and wean themselves of the habit by parading around brandishing water pistols instead.
Speaking on CNN Mr Morgan said “It’s not the ideal result. I was hoping America would ditch their guns completely and instead point their fingers at each other shouting peeow peeow. But I suppose this is a pretty good compromise.”
Rapper Snoopy Dog Lion is rumoured to already have an extensive selection of water pistols which he likes to show off to guests at his Beverley Hills mansion. “Any damn mother fucker fuck with me then they gonna get wet” he told us.
However the newly formed National Water Pistol Association has argued that there is no correlation between mass ownership of water pistols and people getting wet. “If everybody had a water pistol upon their person then people would actually be dryer. That’s why we’re having a ‘water pistols keep you dry’ day.”
It’s founder Alan Gottlieb told us “I was originally determined to keep guns that shot bullets but Piers convinced me that you could have just as much fun with guns that shoot water, and I don’t know why we didn’t think of it ourselves. We really like English people coming over to give us good advice. Just like when Jamie Oliver came and told us to eat better. Please keep them coming.”
Mr Morgan’s new book “Hooray for me” is now on general release.
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