Government to impose Jamie Oliver tax

A spokesman for the department of Health has confirmed today that the Government will be taxing any food, phrases or general behaviour that can be traced back to cheeky mockney dinner-monger Jamie Oliver. “We’ve been under pressure to think about public health and well being and admittedly we may have had our heads in the […]

Morrissey “If you must eat meat, eat me”

Former Smiths front man Morrissey has silenced critics today by offering himself up as cuisine for anyone that eats meat so as to hopefully offer a nutritious  alternative to meat and thus save the life of a cow, lamb or otter. “It means I can encourage people to be herbivorous and musically whinge about being […]

Piers Morgan persuades Americans to swap guns for water pistols

Former Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan has persuaded the entire population of America to stop using guns and wean themselves of the habit by parading around brandishing water pistols instead. Speaking on CNN Mr Morgan said “It’s not the ideal result. I was hoping America would ditch their guns completely and instead point their fingers […]

Jamie Oliver “Poor people should eat their pets”

Poor people should be making nutritious meals out of their household pets according to TV chef Jamie Oliver. Taking a break from a busy day of shouting at patrons of a kebab shop in Basildon through a megaphone, the mockney grub stirrer told us “It’s outrageous. I visited some poor people as part of my […]