Middle Classes begin to riot at news of olive oil not being good for you

David Cameron has called an emergency COBRA meeting this morning as news of olive oil not being any better for you than vegetable oil has sparked isolated riots throughout West Hampstead, Richmond and Godalming which look set to spread to other affluent parts of the country. One rioter in Surrey explained “All my life I’ve […]

Saatchi, Lawson and Grillo sisters ordered to fuck off by judge

Charles Saatchi, his estranged wife Nigella Lawson and their former personal assistants Francesca and Elisabetta Grillo have all been sentenced to fuck the fuck off, in a surprise ruling from Judge Robin Johnson. Passing sentence Judge Johnson said “I can’t be arsed to wait for the jury to make their minds up. I’m overruling any […]

Jamie Oliver “Poor people should eat their pets”

Poor people should be making nutritious meals out of their household pets according to TV chef Jamie Oliver. Taking a break from a busy day of shouting at patrons of a kebab shop in Basildon through a megaphone, the mockney grub stirrer told us “It’s outrageous. I visited some poor people as part of my […]