Trump “USA would do better in paralympics if we had more guns”

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The USA’s pitiful performance in the Paralympics is entirely due to Americans not having enough guns, according to presidential hopeful Donald Trump.

Trump shock at news shooting his opponent means he’ll just get another opponent

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Presidential hopeful Donald Trump has told of his shock today at finding out that if someone shoots Hilary Clinton he won’t automatically become President and the Democrats will just choose another opponent for him.

Trump to give USA back to Native Americans, move to Mexico and pay for a wall

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Donald Trump has vowed to return the USA back to native Americans, exile anyone not descended from original inhabitants, including himself, and move to Mexico where he will stop any future epidemics of mass migration such as the one that started in 1607 by Europeans, by building a wall which he himself would be paying for.

Blair “Why did no-one tell me the Iraq war was a bad idea?”

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The public must shoulder their share of the blame for not warning Tony Blair that the Iraq war might be a bad idea according to the former Prime Minister.

Britain votes to put its dick in a blender

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Britain has voted to put it’s own penis in a food processor and turn it on in order to make Britain great again.

Putin “I had nothing to do with the football violence or the invasion of Ukraine”

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Russian President Vladimir Putin has confirmed today that he had absolutely nothing to do with the recent football violence in France and nothing to do with the invasion of Ukraine either.

David Cameron to head tax evasion inquiry

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David Cameron has promised to head a new inquiry into tax evasion, starting tomorrow or maybe the day after, at the latest in the next week or so.

Falklands naval exit nothing to do with starting war and winning election this time

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David Cameron has today assured critics that the recent naval exit from the Falklands has absolutely nothing to do with starting another war, winning it, winning the next General election as a result and subsequently ensuring British ownership of a plethora of natural resources before any Argentinians get their hands on it. Speaking on the […]

Trump would bomb Narnia

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Donald Trump has said that he would not rule out bombing Narnia, should he succeed in becoming US president.

“Europe not safe” says Trump from safety of country with highest gun deaths

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Donald Trump has warned Americans to avoid travel to Europe and to stay put in the safety of a country that has more gun deaths than any other country in the western world.