Trump administration urges Britons to use shorter sentences on state visit

A spokesman for the White House has confirmed that they have asked all UK citizens to speak in very short sentences ahead of President Trump’s state visit to Britain in October.

Scientists discover pride of vegan lions

Scientists studying lions in Africa have stumbled upon a tribe of vegan lions that have shunned the normal carnivorous diet associated with their species and instead live solely on fruit and vegetables.

Trump to travel in a giant golden penis on UK state visit

Donald Trump is to travel down the Mall to meet the Queen in a giant golden penis after an aide mistakenly requested a golden under-carriage for the procession.

Independent Scotland to govern Gibraltar

An independent Scotland could govern Gibraltar thus allowing both to remain in Europe according to Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon.

Islamic State claim responsibility for BMW drivers

Islamic State have today claimed responsibility for a spate of BMW drivers driving aggressively and erratically cutting up other road users and getting points on their licenses.

Elephants listening in on Donald Trump with their huge flappy ears

Elephants have been listening in on Donald Trump with their huge flappy ears and most likely handing the information to Barack Obama, the media or British Intelligence, according to tweets published by Mr Trump earlier this morning.

“Now not the time for independence vote” Theresa May tells America

Theresa May has rejected calls for the USA to hold a referendum regarding independence from Britain today saying “now is not the time.”

Trump to keep an open mind about flat earth

The concept of a spherical earth may be misinformation propagated by so called scientists who like the media have a liberal-elitist agenda according to US president Donald Trump.

Trump to ban immigration from Skull island

President Trump has today signed a new executive order placing a 90-day ban on people from Skull island just in case one of them is a forty-foot high monkey.

Hong Kong Phooey detained by US immigration

Popular 1970s crime fighter Hong Kong Phooey has reportedly been detained by US immigration as part of the latest crackdown ordered by President Donald Trump.