Trump condemns “failing intelligence test” after achieving 85 IQ

US president Donald Trump has condemned the IQ test as a “failing examination” following reports that he achieved a score of 85.

Trump state visit downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off”

Donald Trump’s forthcoming state visit to Britain has been downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off” according to Government insiders.

Far right march against global warming

Far right groups throughout the western world have been marching against global warming, following concerns that an increase of as little as 2 degrees could mean the entire human race being black.

Government earmark £4 billion to rebuild Richard Branson’s island

The Government is set to earmark four billion pounds to rebuild Richard Branson’s hurricane damaged island in a forthcoming statement due to be announced by Theresa May at her speech at the Conservative conference.

Trump “Sunny days to blame for devastation too”

Nice weather and sunny days must take their share of the blame for devastation across America caused by “many types of weather” according to US president Donald Trump.

Trump threatens North Korea with Fire and Phooey

China has appealed for calm this morning as US President Donald Trump has threatened to match any North Korean aggression with fire and Hong Kong Phooey.

Overweight maniacal despot with nuclear weapons threatens Kim Jong-Un

North Korean President Kim Jong-un has appealed for United Nations support in dealing with a rogue overweight despot who terrifyingly now has access to nuclear weapons. 

Defend Europe ship forced to defend Libyan Captain

A spokesman for The Defend Europe ship has today defended having a Libyan Captain and Crew due to difficulties finding Europeans to man it.

Trump to impose travel ban on short people

US president Donald Trump is to impose a ban on short people entering the country unless they have bona fide business there.

Trump administration urges Britons to use shorter sentences on state visit

A spokesman for the White House has confirmed that they have asked all UK citizens to speak in very short sentences ahead of President Trump’s state visit to Britain in October.