Government earmark £4 billion to rebuild Richard Branson’s island

The Government is set to earmark four billion pounds to rebuild Richard Branson’s hurricane damaged island in a forthcoming statement due to be announced by Theresa May at her speech at the Conservative conference.

Trump “Sunny days to blame for devastation too”

Nice weather and sunny days must take their share of the blame for devastation across America caused by “many types of weather” according to US president Donald Trump.

Trump threatens North Korea with Fire and Phooey

China has appealed for calm this morning as US President Donald Trump has threatened to match any North Korean aggression with fire and Hong Kong Phooey.

Overweight maniacal despot with nuclear weapons threatens Kim Jong-Un

North Korean President Kim Jong-un has appealed for United Nations support in dealing with a rogue overweight despot who terrifyingly now has access to nuclear weapons. 

Defend Europe ship forced to defend Libyan Captain

A spokesman for The Defend Europe ship has today defended having a Libyan Captain and Crew due to difficulties finding Europeans to man it.

Trump to impose travel ban on short people

US president Donald Trump is to impose a ban on short people entering the country unless they have bona fide business there.

Trump administration urges Britons to use shorter sentences on state visit

A spokesman for the White House has confirmed that they have asked all UK citizens to speak in very short sentences ahead of President Trump’s state visit to Britain in October.

Scientists discover pride of vegan lions

Scientists studying lions in Africa have stumbled upon a tribe of vegan lions that have shunned the normal carnivorous diet associated with their species and instead live solely on fruit and vegetables.

Trump to travel in a giant golden penis on UK state visit

Donald Trump is to travel down the Mall to meet the Queen in a giant golden penis after an aide mistakenly requested a golden under-carriage for the procession.

Independent Scotland to govern Gibraltar

An independent Scotland could govern Gibraltar thus allowing both to remain in Europe according to Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon.