Trump “London protesters begged me to come to UK”

A group of several hundred thousand protesters thought to be protesting against Donald Trump’s forthcoming UK visit are actually pro-Trump and begged him to come according to a statement issued by the US president this morning.

50 metre fatberg to be used to make world’s largest burger

A 50 metre fatberg recently removed from a London sewer is to be used to cook the world’s biggest burger, London mayor Sadiq Kahn has confirmed today.

Trump administration urges Britons to use shorter sentences on state visit

A spokesman for the White House has confirmed that they have asked all UK citizens to speak in very short sentences ahead of President Trump’s state visit to Britain in October.

Londoner rents space between arse cheeks for £500 pcm

The London housing market has again come under criticism following the news that a Londoner is renting the space between his arse cheeks out for £500 per calender month to one lucky tenant, subject to deposit, credit checks and references. Described as an attractive  “tradesman’s entrance mews” property with its own underpant garden, the accommodation […]

Boris “Anyone saying I’ve gagged them should shut up”

Mayor of London Boris Johnson has insisted today that none of his staff have been gagged over the EU referendum and any that say they have should shut up.

Ranulph Fiennes to climb the Bristol Stool Chart

  British adventurer Ranulph Fiennes has announced today that he intends to prove that advancing years are no handicap by climbing the Bristol Stool Chart unassisted.  Mr Fiennes full name (Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes, 3rd Baronet, OBE) will climb to the very top of the chart whilst simultaneously performing the relevant bowel movements at each stage. The […]

Was this a UFO spotted over London?

The Government have refused to comment today on reports that a UFO was spotted on a number of occasions by independent witnesses in different parts of London over the week-end. One witness Mike Diaper who had been taking an evening stroll through Blackheath told us “It was like a yellow light that shot up into […]

Brainwashed couple win right to be married by a cult

A brainwashed couple have won the right to be married by a cult at their main head quarters following a ruling from the supreme court today. Grinning in a scary fashion with huge huge eyes the Bride to be Louisa Hodkin told a packed press conference “It’s been a long drawn out case, but at last […]

Nigella’s ‘Not very hungry cook book’ set to be Christmas best seller

Nigella Lawson is set to top the charts of best selling books this Christmas with her latest literary offering ‘The not very hungry cook book’ “I wrote a lot of it in the London borough of Chingford. So I was originally going to  call it Ching food. But the ‘not very hungry cook book’ had […]

Royal baby indoctrinated into state sponsored cult

The official indoctrination of Prince George into a bizarre state sponsored cult has taken place in the Chapel Royal at St James’s Palace in London. According to a Palace insider “it was a tough choice between Christianity, Islam, scientology and Neptune God of the sea but in the end Christianity offered the best rates with […]