Will and Kate taunt poor people with tax payer funded holiday

royal holiday

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have released a series of photographs of their tax payer funded trip to the French Alps in an attempt to taunt poor people and laugh at their angry little faces. “The Duke and Duchess hope you oiky little people enjoy the photos,and subsequently lament your own serfdom.” A Royal […]

Independent Scotland to get half of the Queen

salmond half the queen

An independent Scotland will most likely get half of the Queen according to legal experts. A spokesman for the palace told us “We’re all up for it but we’re not entirely sure about dividing up Royalty. It’s uncharted territory. Unless she’s very stretchy it would mean putting her on the border where negotiations would take […]

Royal baby indoctrinated into state sponsored cult

christening

The official indoctrination of Prince George into a bizarre state sponsored cult has taken place in the Chapel Royal at St James’s Palace in London. According to a Palace insider “it was a tough choice between Christianity, Islam, scientology and Neptune God of the sea but in the end Christianity offered the best rates with […]

Police fail to intervene as Prince Andrew eaten by bears

prince andrew

Armed Officers working within the grounds of Buckingham Palace have been slammed for failing to intervene as Prince Andrew was yesterday attacked, mauled and finally eaten by a pack of marauding bears according to Royal sources. The news is the latest in a catalogue of incidents which arose as tax payer funded police  failed to […]

Jools Holland to accompany Royal birth on the piano

jule holland

A spokesman from St Mary’s Hospital has today confirmed that Princess Kate’s labour will indeed be enhanced by musician and television presenter Jools Holland playing a variety of boogie woogie classics in time with the contractions. A music industry insider told us “It’s difficult to say no to Jools. Whenever any band starts to make […]

Queen ‘getting right on it’ after £2M pay rise

queen2

Her Royal Highness Her majesty Elizabeth The Queen is apparently unavailable for comment today after the first 24 hours of “getting right on it” following yesterdays pay rise. In what was described by Royal sources as “serious result” in the form of a £2 million pay rise from the public purse, the Palace hosted one […]

Queen urged to stop milking it

queen coronation

The Queen has been urged to stop milking it with the incessant rounds of birthdays, official birthdays, jubilees and anniversaries of coronations according to an insider from the British public. “It’s just got stupid. I’m sure these things used to be once every ten years or so. But it’s got like X factor or Britain’s […]

Prince Harry complains about the media, to the media via the media

Prince Harry

Prince Harry has voiced his distaste of the media, to the media, in the hope that they will tell other people in the media, in a press conference in Afghanistan organised by the Prince himself. Posing for photos this morning, the ginger Royal expressed his dislike of press conferences and having his photo taken. “It’s […]