Royal children are better than yours

The Royal children are better than yours, their birthdays are more important and when they are old enough to think things, the things that they think will be more important than the things your children think about things.

Royal baby photos released by media thinking it’s the 1970s and anyone cares

Some photos of a perfectly normal baby on her first birthday are being widely publicised by the media today, due to a dark feudal lineage based on her ancestors seizing totalitarian power through a murderous rampage.

Will and Kate taunt poor people with tax payer funded holiday

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have released a series of photographs of their tax payer funded trip to the French Alps in an attempt to taunt poor people and laugh at their angry little faces. “The Duke and Duchess hope you oiky little people enjoy the photos,and subsequently lament your own serfdom.” A Royal […]

“Kneel minions” Prince William tells Australia

In a surprise change of tack today on the Royal visit to Australia  Prince William has called an end to engaging with people on an informal level and promised a return to general haughtiness and looking down his nose at the public in general. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference through a megaphone from […]

Prince William saves endangered species by shooting all other animals

Prince William has vowed today to save endangered species by shooting all other animals until their populations reach similarly low levels. Speaking to Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell through a megaphone the youngish royal explained “There may be only a few thousand rhinos left but if we decimate the population of deer with a shoot fest, […]

Jools Holland to accompany Royal birth on the piano

A spokesman from St Mary’s Hospital has today confirmed that Princess Kate’s labour will indeed be enhanced by musician and television presenter Jools Holland playing a variety of boogie woogie classics in time with the contractions. A music industry insider told us “It’s difficult to say no to Jools. Whenever any band starts to make […]