Labour to take Britain back to the 1970s, when people could afford to buy a house

The Labour Party have been slated by the press today following accusations that they wish to take Britain back to the 1970s where there were loads more pubs, beer was 35p a pint and everyone could afford to buy a house.

Man nipping over to France for a few days “defying the will of the people”

A man nipping over to France for a long week-end has been accused of defying the will of the people by the Daily Mail.

Daily Mail to cease trading as Google and Facebook ban fake news

The owner of the Daily Mail has today confirmed rumours that the paper will cease all further publications in response to a crackdown on fake news.

Daily Mail readers’ anger at plans for black Milky Bar Kid

Daily Mail readers have threatened to boycott Nestlé products following reports that the next Milky Bar Kid is thought to be black.

Voters’ confusion as immigrants still here

A leave voter has told of his anguish this morning on waking up to find that there were some foreign people in his immediate vicinity who appeared to be showing no signs of packing their bags and shockingly seemed to be living their lives like nothing had happened.

Royal baby photos released by media thinking it’s the 1970s and anyone cares

Some photos of a perfectly normal baby on her first birthday are being widely publicised by the media today, due to a dark feudal lineage based on her ancestors seizing totalitarian power through a murderous rampage.

Daily Mail readers confused now Labour are racist

Daily Mail readers have this morning demanded clarity from their newspaper following claims that the labour party are in fact the party of racial intolerance. One outraged reader said “I’ve been reading the Mail every morning since the 1960s  and have dutifully followed my  instructions to blame all my life’s woes on the foreign looking […]

Jeremy Hunt to go on strike

Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt is set to go on strike imminently having balloted himself earlier on today.

Will and Kate taunt poor people with tax payer funded holiday

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have released a series of photographs of their tax payer funded trip to the French Alps in an attempt to taunt poor people and laugh at their angry little faces. “The Duke and Duchess hope you oiky little people enjoy the photos,and subsequently lament your own serfdom.” A Royal […]

Daily Mail readers fury as asylum seekers wear shirts and sip tea

A spokesman for the Home Office has apologised this morning following revelations that a number of asylum seekers were seen sipping tea from cups and wearing shirts. The news comes as some asylum seekers were ferried from London to Manchester in a Hummer, for exactly the same price to the tax-payer as a mini-bus, when […]