Trump issues ultimatum to elephants

Donald Trump has issued an ultimatum to all elephants to cease and desist having big ears and a long trunk as tensions grow between the president and various factions of the animal kingdom

Gary Barlow “I taught the Queen everything she knows about tax evasion”

Take That front man Gary Barlow has admitted giving Her Royal Highness the Queen tips on tax evasion over several visits to the Palace where the pair talked about their immense fortunes and ate roast swan. 

Damian Green porn allegations in doubt as internet history empty

First Secretary of State Damian Green has never been on the internet ever according to his internet history, completely disproving allegations that he may have been watching porn.

You can only be sexually inappropriate if you’re really the President Spacey told

Actor Kevin Spacey has been told that his House of Cards career may now be over following allegations of inappropriate sexual behaviour because he is not really the US President. A furious Donald Trump said that America would have a zero tolerance policy on such behaviour in the fictional political sphere if not the real […]

Trump condemns “failing intelligence test” after achieving 85 IQ

US president Donald Trump has condemned the IQ test as a “failing examination” following reports that he achieved a score of 85.

Trump state visit downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off”

Donald Trump’s forthcoming state visit to Britain has been downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off” according to Government insiders.

Bloke talking about a film’s release for a year disappointed when it’s just a film

A man wittering on about a film on social media for over a year has expressed his dismay at having seen it and the film being just ok.

Far right march against global warming

Far right groups throughout the western world have been marching against global warming, following concerns that an increase of as little as 2 degrees could mean the entire human race being black.

Trump “Sunny days to blame for devastation too”

Nice weather and sunny days must take their share of the blame for devastation across America caused by “many types of weather” according to US president Donald Trump.

Trump threatens North Korea with Fire and Phooey

China has appealed for calm this morning as US President Donald Trump has threatened to match any North Korean aggression with fire and Hong Kong Phooey.