“Thank you for voting Conservative” say FTSE 100 bosses

FTSE 100 Chief Executives have written an open letter to the public thanking them for voting Conservative, as it means they have already earned the national average salary after only going back to work yesterday. 

Jeremy Corbyn to stand for Labour leadership

Jeremy Corbyn has thrown his hat into the ring in the forthcoming Labour leadership contest in a surprise move that immediately sees him as favourite to win.

Johnson “I did it for Brexit”

Boris Johnson didn’t do it. But if he did, he did it for Brexit according to a statement from the Prime Minister.

Labour Government to stay in and leave the EU

A Labour Government would unify the people by both staying in the EU and leaving it.

There won’t be a no deal Brexit recession because laughing smiley face

There won’t be any sort of recession following a no deal Brexit because “laughing smiley face” and “we won get over it”, according to experts.

Peterborough votes for no NHS and fucking expensive holidays

The plucky people of Peterborough have voted decidedly for the abolition of the NHS and for holidays abroad to be even more expensive than they are now.

Autumn dismissed as “project fear”

The season of Autumn has been dismissed as “scaremongering and project fear” according to a number of prominent politicians.

Free Tommy Robinson whatever he’s done

Former EDL leader Tommy Robinson should be freed irrespective of any crime he’s committed and any crime he might decide to commit in the future according to a select group of very loud gentlemen.

Brexit in doubt as Isle of Wight not included in referendum

The future of Brexit has been called into doubt this morning following revelations that no polling stations were set up on the Isle of Wight during the referendum of June 2016.

The Daily Mail appointed Work and Pensions Secretary

Prime Minister Theresa May has today defended her decision to award the position of Work and Pensions Secretary to the Daily Mail newspaper.