Trump state visit downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off”

Donald Trump’s forthcoming state visit to Britain has been downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off” according to Government insiders.

Far right march against global warming

Far right groups throughout the western world have been marching against global warming, following concerns that an increase of as little as 2 degrees could mean the entire human race being black.

Conservatives to replace May with some other odious shitbag

The Conservative party are to replace Prime Minister Theresa May with some other shitbag according to Government sources.

Government earmark £4 billion to rebuild Richard Branson’s island

The Government is set to earmark four billion pounds to rebuild Richard Branson’s hurricane damaged island in a forthcoming statement due to be announced by Theresa May at her speech at the Conservative conference.

Britain First downgraded to Britain Second

Far right pressure group Britain First have been downgraded to Britain Second by credit reference agency Moody’s.

Theresa May “I’ll almost certainly still be in office by Christmas”

Theresa May will still be Prime Minister by Christmas and may even remain in power for longer than Donald Trump according to party insiders.

Brexiters celebrate by buying one beer between them in Spain

Some Brexiters on holiday in Spain have celebrated getting their country back by clubbing together for a glass of beer and four straws it has emerged today.

Hawking blames fault in voice simulator as Health secretary called Jeremy Cunt

Professor Stephen Hawking has blamed a fault in the software on his voice simulator after he appeared to refer to the Secretary of State for Health as Jeremy Cunt.

Brexit is worth losing a bollock over say over 65s

People over 65 who support Brexit would continue to back it even if it meant losing one of their bollocks to ensure it went ahead.

Blair to get police caution over Iraq war

Tony Blair is set to get off with a caution over starting the Iraq war as it is his first offence according to a spokesman for the High court.