Tristram Hunt to challenge for Labour leadership

tristram-hunt-leadership-bid

Former Shadow Education Secretary Tristram Hunt has announced his intention to challenge Jeremy Corbyn in a Labour leadership contest.

Diane James to “strangle a puppy a day” until Britain leaves EU

diane-james-a-puppy-a-day

New UKIP leader and salaried MEP Diane James has promised UKIP members that she will squeeze the life out of a new born puppy every single day until Britain invokes article 50 and then every day after that until the process is complete.

Cameron to start new life as a farmer

cameron-farmer

Former Prime Minister David Cameron is to start a new career as a farmer, following his resignation as an MP today.

Public warned not to approach rapidly inflating Liam Fox

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The British public have been warned not to approach a rapidly expanding Liam Fox who reportedly began inflating at an alarming rate following a talk at a Conservative party dinner yesterday.

Would you pass Nigel Farage’s points based immigration system?

Nigel Farage points based system

Nigel Farage is very cross that Prime Minister Theresa May won’t adopt a points based immigration system. But what would Britain look like if Nigel were to award points to immigrants? Try this simple test to see if you would get in.

Post boxes to stop wearing Burkas

POST BOXES

  Post boxes are going to have to stop wearing Burkas and start dressing like everybody else according to leaked minutes of a recent Government meeting. One Government insider told us “They don’t make any effort to fit in. They’re just all clad in red apart from the small rectangular gap at the top through […]

“Tell them it was a bike accident” Corbyn tells Branson

branson corbyn fight

Sir Richard Branson is this morning still denying that he was duffed up by Jeremy Corbyn after a row about trains earlier in the week.

Prison extremists to be played Black Lace songs

anjem choudary black lace

Islamic extremists in prison will be required to listen to songs by 1980s holiday dance outfit Black Lace, piped in so loud that it will drown out any attempts to exert a radicalising influence on other inmates.

Corbyn urged to stop sitting on roof of trains

corbyn sitting on train

Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has told critics he will carry on sitting on the roof of trains and ducking at tunnels indefinitely, even if he becomes Prime Minister and whether there are seats available or not.

Government deny strangling kittens whilst media focus on the Olympics

theresa may strangling cats

Prime Minister Theresa May has strenuously denied accusations that the cabinet have been strangling kittens whilst the media focus their attention on the Olympic games.