The world is 4000 years old and the human race started with one white couple in Africa, an apple and a snake, the Prime Minister has confirmed following this morning’s meeting with the DUP.
Trump administration urges Britons to use shorter sentences on state visit
June 5, 2017 by Leave a Comment
A spokesman for the White House has confirmed that they have asked all UK citizens to speak in very short sentences ahead of President Trump’s state visit to Britain in October.
May vows to exact absolute revenge on Labour voters
June 1, 2017 by Leave a Comment
Theresa May is still going to win the General election despite all the recent kerfuffle and she is going to start her term by rounding up Labour voters and sending them to Tory correction centres.
Vote for shit education and no NHS because Corbyn might not launch a nuclear missile
May 30, 2017 by 1 Comment
Prime Minister Theresa May has warned members of the public that they must vote for child poverty, food banks, expensive social care, underfunded education, no NHS and a reduced army and police force as in the event that we are obliterated by a nuclear strike, Prime Minister Corbyn may not launch one back to destroy […]
Sun readers somehow furious at Labour plans to tax people earning over 80k
May 29, 2017 by 1 Comment
Sun readers have endorsed their favourite newspaper’s call to arms following Labour plans to tax people earning over £80,000 a year a bit more.
Corbyn refuses to deny being present for 1970s
May 21, 2017 by Leave a Comment
Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has refused to deny that he was present for the entire 1970s when the IRA was active, people were more racist and Jim’ll Fix it was on the TV every Saturday.
Conservatives to be nice to bunnies and kittens and give everyone free cake
May 18, 2017 by 1 Comment
The Conservative party will be lovely to fluffy animals, kiss babies and give everyone a free slice of cake according to their manifesto released this morning.
May promises workers’ rights like a python promising not to constrict anyone
May 15, 2017 by Leave a Comment
Prime Minister Theresa May has promised to uphold workers rights, as presently required under EU law, in the style of a python promising not to constrict anyone or a crocodile vowing to become vegan.
Labour to take Britain back to the 1970s, when people could afford to buy a house
May 13, 2017 by 2 Comments
The Labour Party have been slated by the press today following accusations that they wish to take Britain back to the 1970s where there were loads more pubs, beer was 35p a pint and everyone could afford to buy a house.
Conservative MPs celebrate acquittal with dominatrices and asphyxiation
May 10, 2017 by Leave a Comment
Conservative MPs throughout Britain are celebrating escaping criminal charges for financial irregularities by hiring a dominatrix who will tell them that they are still very naughty.
