Ketamine sales up as Government reclassification makes it exciting again


Drug Dealers throughout Britain have reported a sharp upturn in Ketamine sales today as the proposed reclassification of the horse tranquiliser from C to B have once again made it a bit naughty and therefore more interesting.

One user we spoke to told us that he was looking forward to giving the drug another bash, having tired of it in recent years. “There’s no point in taking something that makes you sit around and dribble if there’s no potential prison sentence attached. So when it became class C, I knocked Ketamine on the head and instead me and my mates took to sitting  around eating slightly out of date meat instead. But now it’s class B I get all excited about going out to score it. I feel like an international man of mystery.”

Ketamine became popular amongst ravers in the 1990s after a glut of horse tranquilisers saturated the market. This is thought to be mainly due to a move away from conventional medication by vets who instead preferred to treat stressed horses with aromatherapy.

Another former user admitted that he felt it was good to have a stronger deterrent. “I started off on Shetland Pony, but pretty soon got hooked and moved onto heavy horse tranquilisers. I’m in no doubt that I’d be on giraffe tranquilisers by now if I hadn’t had the sudden urge to be able to move my arms and legs properly.”

The Government have also warned against the legal high “Ket’o’Mean” which can be bought on the internet or in service stations. “They’ve sidestepped the law by adding a single molecule of weasel which makes it legal.” We were told.

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