Smiling people to be arrested for use of legal highs

People caught smiling, laughing, dancing or exhibiting a cheerful persona are to be arrested on suspicion of use of legal highs as part of the Government’s ‘arrest everyone for everything except alcohol and tobacco’ drive. Prime Minister David Cameron warned anyone of a lower social stature but a suspiciously sunny disposition to expect the full […]

Queen urges legal high binge before law changes

The Queen has urged all subjects to have a proper binge on legal highs before they are made illegal in her speech today. Speaking on the first day of parliament her majesty said “My Government will ban anything that looks like a drug, sounds like a drug or smells like a drug with the obvious […]

Festivals to ban long hair

A group of more than 20 festivals including T in the park and Bestival have banned the practice of sporting long hair. Seen as part of a new drive to make festivals more streamlined and efficient a spokesperson told us: “We’ve no issue with smartly presented boys and girls who’ve come to sensibly listen to […]

Ketamine sales up as Government reclassification makes it exciting again

Drug Dealers throughout Britain have reported a sharp upturn in Ketamine sales today as the proposed reclassification of the horse tranquiliser from C to B have once again made it a bit naughty and therefore more interesting. One user we spoke to told us that he was looking forward to giving the drug another bash, […]