Festivals to ban long hair

long hair at festivals

A group of more than 20 festivals including T in the park and Bestival have banned the practice of sporting long hair. Seen as part of a new drive to make festivals more streamlined and efficient a spokesperson told us:

“We’ve no issue with smartly presented boys and girls who’ve come to sensibly listen to some music after a hard week working in a bank. However, if they think they’re going to turn up on some sort of floppy mopped irresponsible turn on tune in and drop out tip, then they’ve got another thing coming. We’re not insured for it and it’s about time they grew up.

“Of course we don’t want to put people off coming to these events. Attendance at a large corporate clinical health and safety orientated music event sponsored by a manufacturer of weak lager, which is then the only beer you can buy at £4.60 a pint is essential for a good CV.

“We don’t mind people letting their hair down, at least metaphorically anyway. But we will be imposing a 2 pint limit just in case we do a fire drill.”

One seasoned festival goer told us that he felt the new rules were a positive move. “Due to years of having long hair I have never been able to see where I’ve been going, and that coupled with getting ripped to the tits on anything on offer, legal or otherwise I always find myself stuck watching Coldplay and wedged in by a crowd so I can’t get out. It’s a situation I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”

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