“Fuck you and fuck your bank holiday weekend” say retail workers.

Several million retail workers have sent a united message to their non week-end working counterparts, “Fuck you and fuck your bank holiday weekend.”

Speaking from behind the counter at a well known chain store and sporting a badge saying “Ask me about some shit or other” a spokesman told us:

“The simple fact that many of you are wandering round High street stores on your bank holiday week-end means that the whole thing’s wasted on you. And if people had a bit more imagination and found something better to do on long week-ends we probably wouldn’t have to work either.  So when we tell you to enjoy your week-end we don’t mean it. What we really mean is fuck you, your bank holiday week-end and your stupid life. And don’t think that the change we might give you has been anywhere remotely hygienic.

“Many of you might be boasting about the fact that you are out on the lash tonight. But don’t forget you are being served your drinks by our bank holiday working brothers.  Who hate you as much as we do.

“Luckily as the week-end progresses many of you will suffer the gut wrenching feeling that it is nearly over and soon you too will be back at work. Many of us have days off in the week in lieu. And we will be laughing at you. Oh yes.”

A spokesman for the National Association of Bosses told us “If you’re not officially down to work, the Bank Holiday week-end might be a golden opportunity to pop in and catch up with some paperwork. Lets face it, you’re probably a bit behind and you’ve got an appraisal coming up.”