Hopkins to be pneumatically inflated and used as boat

Hopkins

Katie Hopkins is to be pneumatically inflated and used as a boat in order to transport people on essential sea voyages according to sources close to the right wing shock monger.

One source told us  “She just wants to do the right thing. She may come across via the media as a rather unpleasant person, and she is, but recent events have seen the persona go far too far mainly due to her agent coninuously telling her  to go one step further. Now wracked with remorse, her dearest wish is to make amends by way of being pneumatically inflated and used as a boat.”

Hopkins it is thought could increase in size by approximately 7 or 8 times depending on the air pressure and method of inflation, and could then theoretically function as a suitable aquatic vehicle for up to ten people. It’s thought some sea travellers might attach a rudimentary outboard motor to her whilst others may release air from Hopkins rapidly in order to propel her across the sea, the latter being ideal for shorter journeys.

One expert said “She might feel a little bit bloated but she can offset that with having brought different cultures together and made the world a better place.”

The news comes as a source close to Jeremy Clarkson has confirmed that the former Top Gear presenter is to be inflated pneumatically and used as a weather balloon.

“He’s sorry for his acts of violence in the work place and feels that if he can somehow offset this by being pneumatically inflated so that he can indicate which way the wind is blowing, then he’s made the world a better place.”

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