Nuttall “If we don’t get any seats, I’ll change our name to Pookip”

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has today vowed to change the party’s name to Pookip if they fail to win any seats at the forthcoming general election.

Corbyn’s daughter to market own range of fragrances

Jeremy Corbyn has today denied any conflict of interest with his position as leader of the opposition and his recent promotion of his daughter’s new range of fragrances which came on the market this week.

Scientists discover pride of vegan lions

Scientists studying lions in Africa have stumbled upon a tribe of vegan lions that have shunned the normal carnivorous diet associated with their species and instead live solely on fruit and vegetables.

Fury as St George’s day bank holiday on a Sunday

Prime Minister Theresa May has this morning been accused of subterfuge and deceit following mass realisation that the St George’s day bank holiday has somehow been moved to a Sunday when no-one is at work anyway,

May “No TV debate because I’ll look like a shitbag”

Prime Minister Theresa May has today ruled out participating in any TV debates before the forthcoming General Election as it might make her look like a tiny bit of a cunt.

Putin unsure how to screw up UK General election any more than it is

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin is thought to be stumped as to how he might sabotage the forthcoming UK general election without inadvertently making it better, according to Kremlin sources.

Theresa May “The bible says I must take disabled people’s cars away”

Theresa May has only passed legislation to take mobility cars away from disabled people because it says so in the bible according to an interview with the God fearing Prime minister.

Trump to travel in a giant golden penis on UK state visit

Donald Trump is to travel down the Mall to meet the Queen in a giant golden penis after an aide mistakenly requested a golden under-carriage for the procession.

God wants you to have diabetes

God wants you to have diabetes and he shows this by sending us his only rabbit, laden with mass produced chocolates, made by faceless corporations, according to Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.

David Moyes “Women should stop getting their knickers in a twist”

Women should stop getting their knickers in a twist and make everyone a cup of tea according to Sunderland boss David Moyes.