Much of the worlds population have put their differences aside today to plead for the release of teenage crooner Justin Bieber who is facing charges of abusing policemen, taking drugs and driving like a cunt. Protests throughout the western world ranged from a mass “go to bed for 8 hours followed by breakfast” to an organised “Go to work and then go home and have dinner”.
One protester told us “It’s a travesty of justice. He might have done these things but he’s such a little cherub and he’s more important than normal people. He’s always on the telly so he must be.”
It is thought that civil unrest in Ukraine, Syria and Central African Republic has been put on hold until Mr Bieber is free to continue his important work of being a cock womble. One protester in Kiev took time away from dodging live ammunition to speak at his fury at the detention. “Our problems are miniscule by comparison. So we’re going to stop our protests and wait until he’s been let out and starts releasing more bland music.”
A spokesman for Amnesty International explained “He’s only been imprisoned for his beliefs, just like Nelson Mandela. It just happens that his beliefs are that it’s ok to drive a Lamborghini at twice the speed limit whilst ripped to the tits on a cocktail of alcohol and drugs before swearing at Police who pull him over and then trying to resist arrest. It’s so unfair. So we’ve put all our other campaigns on hold.”
American President Barack Obama was careful today to be non committal in the way that he talked about other things instead.
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