Vatican congratulated on its move to financial crime

Monsignor NunzioPope Francis has heralded a much needed change in direction today as a senior Italian cleric has been charged with merely laundering millions through the Vatican bank, as opposed to instigating or attempting to cover up any sort of sexual assault.

Monsignor Nunzio Scarano, who is already on trial and under house arrest on separate charges of plotting to smuggle 20 million euros into Italy, has never been accused of any form of inappropriate behaviour unless of course it involves money laundering on a monumental scale.

Pope Francis called on other Cardinals, priests  and senior Vatican figures to work together to keep all future crimes financial.

“It may not be ideal for men of the cloth to launder proceeds of criminal activities via the Vatican bank. But it beats inappropriate behaviour with minors. Poncing beats noncing. And you have to be realistic, you can’t just expect us to go from endemic sexual abuse and cover ups to not committing any crimes at all. So the fact that members of our staff have chosen to take the long road to rehabilitation via money laundering on an enormous scale is very encouraging. With any luck we’ll be down to a bit of trespass or driving without due care and attention by the end of the decade. ”

Former Government Minister and practicing catholic Ann Widdecombe was one of many public figures to offer their congratulations. “It’s marvelous that they’ve moved onto white collar crime that you can do with your trousers on. Pope Francis has done wonders.”

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