Kim Jong Un executes all uncles

Supreme leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea Kim Jong-un is believed to have ordered the total elimination of all uncles.

The terrifying purge started straight after the execution of his own uncle Jan Sung-Taek and is said to be demonstrating the leader’s ‘decisiveness’. A spokesman from Pyonyang told us “The decision has  nothing to do with any sort of attempted mutiny. He just feels that  there are too many uncles cluttering up the country. Aunts are alright. He’s just got a bit of a thing about uncles at the moment and was abhorred to realise that he had one himself.”

The North Korean leader is said to be clamping down on any type of uncleing  with a brutal iron fist. “It all began after a trip to China where due to the one child policy there are virtually no uncles. It stands to reason that a country’s economy is inversely proportionate to the amount of male siblings of parents.”

Many Koreans are said to be secretly pleased with the ruling which may in fact indicate a softer line than expected from the young despot. Mr Kim had previously decided that ‘next door neighbours’ were to blame for the country’s financial problems and ordered the execution of anyone who was one or had one.

In addition, under very strict North Korean law Kim Jong Un is now the only official allowed to have piggy little eyes.