Tesco “We’re not sorry and we’re going to carry on doing it”


Tesco have told their critics today that they’re not sorry about sneaking horse meat into their products and they plan to roll out more horse to a variety of new products over the coming years. In a statement this morning Chief Executive Philip Clarke announced “Haha! You all ate horse! That’ll serve you right for going to other supermarkets sometimes!”

The statement comes amidst accusations that Tesco have been placing small amounts of horse meat in a variety of products ranging from ice cream and pop tarts to babies nappies. Several complaints have been filed from customers who have purchased flat screen televisions only to find the electronics held together with horse. Tesco in France has also come under fire as it has transpired that their horse steaks which are generally very popular, have in been made from a horse that was forced to eat another horse.

Rumoured to have recently purchased a zoo, an unrepentant Tesco insist that horses will only be the tip of the iceberg. It seems plans are afoot to hide meat from donkeys, alpacas and giraffes in a portfolio of products including financial services.

Asda have refused to confirm or deny whether they will be following the new trend of covert animal meat placement. They have however conceded that their “It’s safe to leave your dog here” area might not be strictly as safe as the name suggests.

Jockey Frankie Dettori has voiced his reservations about the situation. “If we’re eating horses, I suppose I’m going to have to learn to ride cows.”

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