MPs to reduce use of drugs and prostitutes by 40% by 2018

Lord Sewel drugs and prostitutes

MPs are to face tough new targets to reduce their use of drugs and prostitutes by 40% according to Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne.

Speaking to Andrew Neil on the television Mr Osborne said that the Government would be taking these targets seriously and would fully expect use of both to slow down slightly as a result of strict new guidelines.

“Everybody needs to use drugs and prostitutes at some point but we want to minimise their use within both the house of commons and the House of Lords to when it is absolutely essential. Each MP or Lord must ask themselves, ‘Do I need to use drugs and prostitutes on this particular occasion?. Could I get by with having a couple of beers and a meaningful consensual relationship?’

“And peers must ask themselves ‘Do I need to be doing both at the same time?’. If the media ask us ‘Have we been doing drugs and prostitutes’, if we can say, ‘No I’ve only been doing one of the above’ then that won’t be nearly so serious. ”

Lord Sewel who has recently quit as chairman of the Lords privileges and conduct committee in order to spend more time using drugs and prostitutes said

“Unless you’ve experienced the buzz of illegal drugs and paying for sex whilst simultaneously being responsible for enforcing parliamentary standards you really haven’t lived. I think everybody should have a go.”

Comments

  1. Very entertaining and slightly believable,but will they entertain the idea ???

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